Acronyms and a Burglar Needed

While the World has been on holiday, I've set up the Bogsville Association for Learning Life Skills or the GSAFI for short so that should keep me busy for a while.

It's listed in yellow pages under Bureaucratic Organizations for Nationalizing Knowledge.

At the moment I'm short of a Young Feminists against Racism Official Note Taker so if you know anyone ... It'd also help if someone could come up with a snappy acronym or two - already had complaints about GSAFI.. apparently not snappy enough for Bogsville.

Burglary Bonanza Time

Just about everybody seems to be away from home at the moment.Think I'll go slip on a black and white striped jumper and a little black mask and go investigate a few empty apartments.

Remember it you guys? Still available from Amazon.

According to the Tampa Tribune - Burglars see the three-day weekend as "a bonanza of homes left unattended." - so if there is a burglar out there reading this on some family's computer while they're out of town, drop me a line and tell me about it.

Advice from Tampa includes "Turn your bedroom into a refuge with a telephone, fire extinguisher, first-aid kit and a horn or whistle to signal for help." Is this before or after you go away for your three day holiday?

Install a wide-angle peephole so you can see who is at your door without opening it. Place one at a lower height for children and one even lower for your dog or cat. On no account fit the peep hole the wrong way round - that would be plain stupid.

Meanwhile On A Remote Mountain On Mindanao

Just wait until they get those two octogenarian remnants of the Japanese Imperial Army out of the remote mountains of Mindanao. All those years fighting a war that ended in 1945 has got to be worth a few yen in back pay and military pension.

Yoshio Yamakawa, 87, from Osaka, and Tsuzuki Nakauchi, 83, from Kochi shouldn't lay down their weapons, they should auction what's left of them on eBay.

Meanwhile Somewhere In Tokyo

Tokyo doesn't seem to be too sympathetic when it comes to compensation claims.

A 47 year old man's claim that he had been handed over to the wrong parents after his birth at a Tokyo hospital was upheld on Friday by the District Court. It rejected his claim for 300 million yen (27,776 US) in compensation.

He says he doesn't look like anyone else in his family and blood and DNA tests have proved that he isn't related biologically to his parents. Chances are they got the test results mixed up too. Now if he could prove that one of the guys from the remote mountains of Mindanao was his biological father....

Competition

Can anyone guess who owns these feet?

Currently listening to "I'll walk Alone" by Anne Shelton and the Ambrose Orchestra - Don't even think about it - it's dire.

Milt On The Paris Hilton Bun

How much meat is there currently in the Paris Hilton Bun? As a keen smut surfer I googled over and discovered that it's not just meat in there. The meat's pretty well unrecogniseable by the time it gets into the Paris Hilton bun but there's plenty of it - 1/2-pound of 100-percent charbroiled Angus beef patty.

That Paris Hilton woman sure has big feet and someone must have a Bentley with a pretty dimply roof. Take a look for yourself and see her Bentley washing technique exposed for what it is - abysmal. The water company should impose a hosepipe ban on her.

What's that under the charbroiled beef patty? If those are lips I'm cancelling Tuesday's collagen session.

Cambridge Graduate's Head In Bucket

Buckethead

UK is the place for avant-garde culture offerings. According to the Barnet and Potters Bar Times - sorry that's posted under leisure, you can pay £12 to watch a guy with a bucket on his head.

"I thought it was more a kind of thing that could happen in the future," says the Cambridge graduate. "Like a rejection of the world. Hundreds of years ago, people used to stand up on the top of tall poles to get away from the world. Or they used to wear hair shirts. This is like a purda for men. Men can't be distracted by things like the bodies of women. In fact, men should wear buckets and women could walk around naked."

Doesn't sound much of a hoot - but then I'm a Philistine.

Final Blog Identifies Killer

Thursday, May 12, 2005
Today I missed my Japanese class again, since I have gotten a bad throat. I only went to the class once this week, so I am probably so far behind now. I will catch up in the summer tho so no worries hehe. Anyway today has been weird, at 3 some guy ringed the bell. I went down and recognized it was my sister's former boyfriend. He told me he wants to get his fishing poles back. I told him to wait downstair while I get them for him. While I was searching them, he is already in the house. He is still here right now, smoking, walking all around the house with his shoes on which btw I just washed the floor 2 days ago! Hopefully he will leave soon, oh yeah working on the jap report as we speak!
5:05 PM

The guy didn't leave and killed both the blogger,Sek Man Ng and his sister,Cho Man Ng when she came home.

Milt's Blogger Quotes Of The Day

US health officials are examining reports that a number of men using Viagra are going blind - I can't see that myself.

1) Comments that are pointlessly crude will be deleted from my blog.

2) He just has things about his personality that drive me up the frigging wall.

3) I wish I had a happy relationship, or someone to have babies with, or someone who loved me enough to make me a sandwich.

4) About 8.4 million acres of Nebraska farmland are planted with corn. Just 49,000 acres are planted with sugar beets. This might explain why Nebraska is called the Cornhusker State and not, say, the Eat-Your-Beets State.

5) Just remember, I am a great person. I may be fat and boring, but I am awesome. Damn it, awesome!

6) Turns out.....that i am not as interesting as i thought.

7) Lately whenever I’m in deep thought I just stay in deep thought – confused, and just sometimes… sit here.

8) I realized I needed people around me that created a better balance, because before everything was… hmm…. tilted.

9) The surface was slicker than a greased dog turd.

10) Anyways, every once in a while it hits me just how small I really am. I mean, if you think about it, try to imagine the size of the earth...

Just in from the Maibox

Since I started using MailWasher I've apparently received 14,090 mails - 12,381 have been zapped as spam - that's 87%.

I suspect that MailWasher has also zapped offers of highly paid work and worse still, invitations to free holidays in exotic places.

This morning I was impressed by Max Gonzales' offering "mightly cucumber sleeping", Neal Stephenson's "Dnot spned too mcuch" and now Marisa who informs me "I'll lose 6-8 inches in one hour".

Marisa I've just been up a ladder with the electric hedge clippers and I was very close to losing that in two seconds.

Buck Nekkid Appeal

Well I'll be danged!

There was a great turnout Tuesday in support of our local bar's
"Buy Buck Nekkid a pair of pants" appeal.

It was better attended than the recent "au naturel" croquet event.

Spam News

I received an email this morning entitled "No room for cellulite in a bikini".

No but plenty of room outside it and even more room outside a thong.

I'm off to the beach to research me some cellulite.

Beer Boobs And Bugs

No sun in Bogsville, just clouds and rain. Global warming seems to have passed us by.

It's warming up in Bogsville

It poured with rain yesterday so I couldn't finish cutting the hedges. Monday I managed half a hedge. Exhausted, I decided to "power nap" and woke up hours later with a terrible thirst. Luckily there was just time to get to the Tulip & Tiara for a couple of beers before closing time.

Boobs Bin Lyner was there, the girl least likely to - 1972. She's looking real good these days after a couple of beers.

To be honest she looked good back in 1972 if I remember right... but there's a secret ingredient in the Tulip's beer - it causes Memory Loss.

Milt's Keywords

According to my hit counter -
I am currently being searched on the following kewords

That makes me the cigarette smoking, headbanging, transvestite, virus and mrsa bugs fixer who gives advice on deflowering virgins in his spare time - I really shouldn't have posted that page with Chicks in the title.

At the moment I have some spare time....

Fire picture at top by Jim Gasperini.

Wonder who the guy researching deflowering a virgin is? Hope it isn't the same person who just came in from Kuwait on a Yahoo search for sewage and wife. At least the guy didn't search Yahoo for "sewage and Milt" - it comes up with the same result. Kind of insulting isn't it.

Blair's Catholic Rhythm Method

One Two - I got rhythm, I got rhythm.

There are rumours in the news that Tony Blair will become a Catholic when he steps down as leader of New Labour. I assume that he will embrace all its teachings and that he is already using the rhythm method during his sexual encounters.

"One, Two, Three, Four, Five - Whoops!"
"Five Times Tony?" - that's "Premature Ejaculation."

Before anyone thinks that I am having a cheap dig at the rhythm method -

"The rhythm method works wonders. My parents used it for many years. - I'm the youngest of eight."

And if anyone thinks I'm having a cheap dig at Tony Blair .....

Milt's Origins

All this led me to an astounding discovery about my background aka Roots.

Alas, we have no photos of Milt when he joined the family as a tiny caterpillar from the field across the street. We brought him in with the most tender stalks of milkweed we could find, and placed him in a plastic box with a lid made of old pantyhose, on the windowsill in our greenhouse, where he ate and ate for about a week.

A lid made of old pantyhose? That explains a lot - and no wonder I disappear to my chair in the greenhouse when it looks like rain or the wind is from the east.

My father always reckoned that I came into being because they needed all the rubber for lorry tyres during WW2. Personally I prefer the "tender stalks of milkweed", old pantyhose and greenhouse windowsill version.

When You Gotta Go...

When you gotta go, you gotta go.

I have no idea who took the original photograph or who owns its rights but it is brilliant.

I was visited by Clara so being a helpful old bogger I decided to give her a link. Her page might help me remember some Deutsch.

George And Tony Sweetbippy

"You won't get away with this Galloway"

Stripped down to their long johns, big boots and even bigger hats, George and Tony Sweetbippy rack their brains for an escape plan.

Is this the end of the trail for our heroes or will the dynamic duo bounce back in next week's exciting episode?

Yeah, unfortunately you can bet yer sweet bippy they will!

Niels-Henning Ørsted Pedersen

I just found out that Niels-Henning Ørsted Pedersen died of heart failure at his home in Ishoef, Denmark on Tuesday April 19, aged just 58.

A quick search on Google throws up little information about the death of a guy who was an outstanding virtuoso jazz Bassist.

It's very sad that jazz musicians who contribute so much lasting pleasure to so many are allowed to pass almost unnoticed by the world's press.

Tribute from Oscar Peterson
The Telegraph
Jazz Times
kget.com

Bush To Veto Cloning

"I'm very concerned about cloning," Bush said.

"I made it very clear to the Congress that the use of federal money, taxpayers' money, to promote science which destroys life in order to save life is -- I'm against that. And therefore, if the bill does that, I will veto it."

Against destroying life to save life - you amaze me George!

Blogger A Pain In The Google

As far as I'm concerned Google is a Pain In The Ass.

Dropped from their ratings in November I have now got my October 2004 posts reinstated, minus text, and you have to delve deep into the Google cached pages to find them.

I've posted daily since October and been visited by the Bot once about a week ago. Personally I'm fed up moaning about it.

Luckily I've discovered that a search on Yahoo for "msra in Cardiff hospital" or "three wise men" finds Milt on the first page.

When I started messing about on the web back in the eighties, I used Yahoo almost exclusively. I think it was the default search tool with Internet Explorer. I discovered Google through a University website and adopted it because it came up with better academic and literary links than Yahoo. I assume that Milt's showing on Yahoo just proves that the page is of no academic or literary significance whatsoever.

Leave Bush On His Bike In Maryland

The White House has defended their decision to let George Bush continue an afternoon bike ride and not tell him that tens of thousands of people were being evacuated as a small plane flew into restricted airspace over Washington last Wednesday.

Mrs. Bush, Vice President Dick Cheney and others working in the Capitol and White House were moved out when the plane came within three miles. Bush was biking in Maryland with a friend from high school at the time. He wasn't told until he finished his ride, about 50 minutes after the evacuation.

It's a pity they didn't leave him and his bike in Maryland.

Milt Bogs ChopperLopper

Anyone who missed UK politician George Galloway's US performance where he ripped into the Senate committee and Norm Coleman in particular, follow this link.

I somehow don't think we've heard the last of this one. Galloway rubbished the US and UK Iraq campaign and that won't have gone unnoticed in "George and I believe therefore it is" Blairland.

Googlebot

Yesterday I asked the googlebots "Do you think you will be able to visit Milt today?" - it was his birthday after all.

Despite the reassuring thumbs up response, Googlebot failed to show again but Google did start to index a few more pages.

Needless to say I missed the earth shattering event, just as I did a week ago when Googlebot hit me with its only visit of the year. Yesterday I seemed to be stuck in a cached Google timewarp that insisted on just showing the usual Milt's home URL.

I guess it's all down to cache size. The news was relayed to me by Merl via his Apple G5. Mine is obviously huge, much bigger in fact than anything Merl has to offer. I've reseached the matter and I've come up with this from my spam archive.

Big Cache's ChopperLopper
Is your's embarrassingly large? Fed up with standing out in the crowd? Want to remove it completely or just reduce it to more manageable proportions? It is easy and it is permanent with Big Cache's amazing ChopperLopper. Just one mouse click and that embarrassing Outsize Problem has gone for ever.

Moxie

You either love it or you hate it.

Milt Bogs Chavs Hoodies And Blair

Anyone who missed UK politician George Galloway ripping into the Senate committee and Norm Coleman in particular, follow this link. There is a BBC link to the full rip here.

Back to the Blog

Nice to know that they are getting tough on yobs as well as terrorists in UK.

Tony Blair gave his backing to the Bluewater shopping centre in Kent on Thursday as he announced a Labour crackdown on "yobbish behaviour [which] will not be tolerated any more".

Intimidating behaviour by groups or individuals and the wearing of clothing which deliberately obscures the face, such as hooded tops or baseball caps, will not be allowed.

The Deputy Prime Minister John Prescott said he was concerned that hooded tops had become part of an "intimidating" uniform.

Wassup Milt?

Woke up this morning and discovered that exactly 365 sleeps have passed since a year ago. I am also 365 wake-ups older which is a slightly more positive way of looking at it.

Waiting for me in my mailbox was the following

Hi there.
"My name is Julie, I am half british half scotish. I know its a weird mix :D, but I luv my beer and I luv partying. Well to be totaly honest I am very tired of going to unknown house parties and to wake up next morning god knows were O_O. So I have decided to have my parties on the web right here in my comfort zone. The best part about my cam is, its free. Yes, the only problem is, you have to verify your age. Well anyways, come by say hi at least.
Luv Julz,"

Thank for the invite Julz but I have a problem with all things age related. Keep boning up on the spelling and punctuation though - like sex, it should get easier with practice.

Googlebot

Do you think you will be able to visit Milt today?

Milt's Blogger Archives Problem Solved

I've been struggling to find a way round the archive page problem. I hate having all the posts on one page and having to scroll for hours to find anything.

Short of having an index page for every month with links to titles on it I couldn't think how to get round it.

Then it occurred to me that if I pasted April's final post URL into the template where the URL for April's archive is. I could then use the standard previous posts box to show the titles and to work my way round the posts.

It seems to work and it validates. I'll have to see what my experts think.

Update

I've now lost my nerve and gone back to the original settings. I was worried that archive posts would only be read as the last post of every month. Has anyone got a solution to this problem? I really do hate having to scroll through thirty post pages.

I've now reinserted the links for the last post of the month alongside the standard monthly archive links. If you select the last post monthly archive link you get a single page for that day and can use the recent posts to navigate one page at a time.

Milt Bogs Titanic And Beckham

Last night's real ale trip was an unqualified success, unlike the Titanic Brewery's website.

I drank Titanic until it ran out and then topped up on Old Peculiar.

This morning I have no Titanic headache but I do feel Old and Peculiar.

Raul announced that he is looking for a female dentist. He doesn't seem to trust men not to yank his choppers, and Merl announced that he was feeling the beer he drank on Saturday night.

Seems he'd been to a party for a lady who massages web developers.

If my leg wasn't so sore....

Absolutely nothing to do with anything - this photograph of one of UK's soccer icons stopped me dead in my surfing tracks.

Picture from 20six.co.uk

I'm off to get my tattoo done tomorrow but not before I've been along to Duane's Barber Shop for a bit of personal grooming - thanks to Merl for the reminder.

Mark Geragos Bad News For Jackson

Michael Jackson's former lawyer, Mark Geragos, said in court that he asked Jackson if the boy, alleging sexual assault, had slept in his bed and Jackson replied that he had but that he didn't do anything untoward or sexual and if anyone spent the night in his room it was unconditional love.

Geragos said he hired a private investigator to look into the family, and the results led him to believe the accuser's family was "bad news".

Picture from www.dailynexus.com

Hey I'm no lawyer but in Bogsville it's the adult male who chooses to sleep with children rather than with adults who is "bad news" and needs "looking into".

Friday 13 - Google Too Busy To Visit - Again

Dear Google,

Your bot visited me last on 9th May 2005 23:46:19 Googlebot.

I've been blogging since last October - Friday, October 15, 2004 - nothing-changes. Well nothing has changed. You were kind enough to list me in Google until November and since then nothing but the main URL - absolutely useless unless someone searches "miltbogs" and that is extremely unlikely.

I blog at least once a day. I put the posting through validator.w3.org and it validates. I do everything I can and your little googlebot only visits me once. I have read all your googlebot info about three visits a day and if it's too much for your bandwidth etc etc. I think I'd settle for just one visit a day.

I'm not trying to sell anything - I'm not trying to hack anyone - I'm not spamming anyone. I just get annoyed when I see Google listing sites that are doing all those things when your bot continues to ignore me..

You may have noticed that I am rapidly becoming obsessive/paranoid about this.

Last week I was convinced that your bot was locked out of my computer by a firewall. My "amateur web developer" advisory team and my psychiatrist registered total disbelief on that one.

Heigh Ho. Have a nice day.

P.S. I'll be open all day gb just in case you feel like dropping in.

Barrister Albert Akubia's Sad Story

Your name and e-mail address came up in a random draw conducted by our law firm, (Akubia & Co Chambers,) in Lagos,Nigeria. I am barrister Albert Akubia, the Legal Adviser and counsel to a deceased expatriate contractor who used to work with Zenith Oil and Gas Company here in Nigeria thereafter shall be referred as my late client.On the December 26th 2003, my client and his entire family died in a plane crash in cotonou, Benin Republic.....

Sorry about your "late client" Albert - thanks but no thanks. By the way, I can't help noticing that your law firm's clients and their entire families all seem to meet with very sudden and violent ends.

Blind Bloggers

I have noticed a word verification tag beneath the publish post button on Blogger. I don't always see it so I decided to look it up on a search engine. Yes it's a verification code called CAPTCHA introduced by Google on Blogger.

Fine if you can see it but Google's top item on my search was Blind Access Journal. The code letters on the screen are pretty weird - they had me guessing. Come on Google - waive the visual verification for registered visually impaired Bloggers.

Poor Sight Speeds Mental Decline In Elderly

How many researchers does it take to find out that age-related visual problems might contribute to rapid mental decline in elderly people?

Can you believe this junk from the University of Texas Medical Branch in Galveston? These, eagle eyed researchers, found that among 2,000 elderly Mexican Americans, those with significant impairments in their near vision tended to show a steeper decline in mental functioning.

I guess the same would be true of 2,000 five year olds or forty year olds. Thought of testing them for hearing loss, bunions, gum disease or arthritis?

Hit And Run Horror Story

A hit-and-run victim in Natal, South Africa, was run over by five cars in succession on Wednesday night

The remains were so severely mutilated that paramedics were unable to identify the victim's sex or race.

Motorists angered by the resulting holdup, blared their hooters to try to get the traffic moving again.

South Korean Mobile Pet Messages

Dog owners in South Korea are using mobile technology to monitor the state of their stay at home pets.

The pay in service uses recorded dog barks to reference the sounds made by the imprisoned pooch. It then sends texts to the owner - "I am happy - bursting for a pee or have just eaten the parrot."

Just shows what you can do with technology these days.

Contact Lens Appears

I was reading Joseph Helle's second novel, Something Happened, when my left eye started to feel like it was full of grit. A trip to the magnifying mirror revealed nothing.

A good swill out dislodged nothing and then - there it was - a chunk of contact lens.

I have no idea how long it had been in there. I lost a piece of a lens early last year in Barcelona and I think I lost another chunk about a month ago.

I hope this is the Barcelona bit. Mental decline here I come.

Anyone Know?

What are you supposed to do with this?
http://miltbogs.blogspot.com/atom.xml

Macaulay Culkin On Sleeping With Michael Jackson

More exciting revelations from the Michael Jackson freak show.

Picture from wikipedia.org

Macaulay Culkin yesterday told the court that he slept in Jackson's bed several times between the ages of 10 and 14, sometimes with other boys as well. He said he was surprised people were saying Jackson groped him.

I'm not.

Spring And Amateur Web Developers

"Our whole thing in Blogger is to always try to make these cool things easier for regular folks to be able to do,” says Biz Stone, Blogger senior something specialist.

Too true Biz - but I messed up my "regular folks" pages. They looked OK and the pages validated but the same "previous posts" showed up on all the pages - even last October's.

Dumb-ass Milt here created a template with named previous posts already on it.

Spent the evening in the Tiara with Merl and Raul, the "amateur" web developers. If the guy who posted the other day - Anonymous - ever has a software or hardware related problem, I suggest he mails me and I'll put him in touch with Merl and Raul. It won't be cheap but it will be definitive.

Repeat Prescription

I finally went down to the Doc's to collect my repeat, eye drops prescription. For some reason I didn't get the expected, "You must appear here for your cholesterol test" spiel from the receptionist. Either the specialist failed to mail the G.P. or the G.P. who signed the repeat prescription didn't have access to the specialist's note.

I can do without people telling me to quit smoking and drinking. I've already given up eating.

Maybe they'll find a link between sex or reading and high cholesterol next. Personally I suspect there's a link between cutting grass and hedges and high cholesterol levels.

I noticed that there were females in the bar again - it must be Spring. Mmmmn Spring!

"Regular folks" - isn't that something to do with bowel movements?

"I thought I was regular before - but I was wrong."
Bart Simpson re. cod liver oil.

Googlebot Virgin No More

I visit sites where they claim millions of Googlebot trawls a week. Great - Milt Bogs has been trawled once this year - last Monday and the Bot hasn't been back.

Here's the proof of Milt's deflowering -

crawl-66-249-66-166. googlebot.com (Google Inc) 9th May 2005 23:46:19. Marked as a first time visit.

Larger version here.

I've awaited the loss of my virginity with great expectation and excitement. It's been planned for very carefully and I have to admit that I threw myself at GoogleBot like a groupie at a pop icon.

How was it for me? It was a great disappointment. I didn't know it had happened. There were no shooting stars, no flashing lights, very little pleasure and minimal satisfaction. One moment I was virgin the next second I was not. And now? - the Bot's cleared off and is ignoring me again. All I have is an IP address to remind me of what might have been. What a total letdown.

I would have posted this last night but Blogger was down - look well if Googlebot chose then to revisit. Looks like my only visitors will be from that growing Yahoo community out there.

Junked By GoogleBot And Spews

It's a total bummer. I'm fed up with being ignored by Google when pages full of adverts or links to dodgy sites get loads of attention.

This "little guy" got ratings until November 2004 and then got ditched for some reason or other.I tried everything - Google Search Bar, Google Ads, post something crass every day - it made no difference.

The page is a nonentity. Should that read "none N titty"?

GoogleBot obviously has a penchant for trawling sex blogs - forge tit Milt.

MailWasher Pro

The latest update is now installed and is busily rejecting 99 percent of my incoming mails. I really don't know what I'd do without it. Perhaps I've been blacklisted as part of the purge on Blueyonder spammers.


Milt's Spews entry - courtesy of Blueyonder.

Breaking News

Milt was GppgleBotted late last night, sorry that should read Googlebotted - I just got overexcited there for a moment. About time too!

Validating Fails To Encourage GoogleBot

It's done - This validating lark is a real pain, especially when you know very little about what you are doing. How anyone can make so many mistakes writing a diary type entry like this one, beats me - I guess that's why I've got so many errors to sort.

Run WC3's Validator on the file and there'll be errors right left and centre.

The problem that I've had with it is that I had to go back over all the pages, sorting out the errors, to see if the errors could be a reason for Googlebot refusing to visit the site.

I found an entry for December 22 last year where I was complaining about the way "the blog just seemed to drop out of Google round about the beginning of November 2004". Statcounter never shows a ping from anything vaguely resembling Googlebot.

I replaced the Blogger comment with HaloScan's because everytime someone left a comment, it threw the validation for that page - "&" problem. Even found someone who suggested writing the code for ampersand into any comment.

Still Hard At It Stamina Pill

I'm still hard at it. Barely had time to sleep last night. Don't know where I get all the stamina from. I guess it's the pill she keeps giving me.

Groucho Marx said, "You are only as old as the woman you are feeling."

"Yes but will it validate?"

It certainly did. I've registered the URL with Google again. I haven't been visited by Googlebot since before Christmas. Tell yuou what - pay me a visit and I'll put the ads back.

It's not that I don't appreciate all the visits from Yahoo users but I think I did a lot to publicise Google, way back when you were just known to a few computer departments in Universities.

The least you can do is pay a visit now and again. It isn't much to ask. Is it?

Stiff Sore And Emotional

I've been at it all day and most of the evening come to that. I'm almost too embarrassed to write about it.

My legs are stiff, my back is sore, my fingers and wrists don't feel like they belong to me and I can barely see straight.

No - I can't tell you about it - I'm too emotionally involved at the moment.

I'll tell all tomorrow when I've recovered a bit.

Sorting Out HTML Errors

Well what fun. I've sat here all morning sorting out HTML errors in my posts. I've installed the raw template again. No Google Ads - that'll teach them to lose everything but my index page.

Yes I know there are still errors there but as I don't understand CSS or whatever it is I'll have to wait for someone to show me how to sort out bits in the template so that I don't have to bother trying to tell the text to justify.

At the moment my <div align="justify"> just throws up errors.

Apparently it doesn't satisfy strict HTML requirements so you put something in the CSS stylesheet that does it automatically. Great news but I don't know how to sort it out.

It was very kind of anonymous to suggest I spend loads of dollars to get a pro to sort out my pages instead of listening to people in my local bar. I have a feeling that Merl and Raul aren't going to be too happy about that comment.

Anyway I thought the object of blogging was to make it easy for computer illiterates like Milt Bogs to air their innermost secrets on all sorts of meaningless topics while the pros made a fortune designing killer sites for companies.

I was also thrilled to receive Mariah's email -
Hello,...it's the one and only Mariah..just powered my cam on...Lets have some fun.;-).
Unfortunately I'm too busy sorting things out at the moment Mariah.

Ratzinger VW Golf Sold for €188.938,88

The VW Golf that was once owned by Cardinal Ratzinger, now Pope Benedict XVI, was sold on eBay for €188.938,88. With 30 minutes auction time left, the bid stood at €185.050,00, a long way over last Wednesday's starting price of €9.999,00. With six minutes to go the leading bid was still €185.050,00 but then the site was swamped as last minute bids poured in.

The successful bid was made by Golden Palace Online Casino

Prince Paparazzi Puncher Digs Deep

Thursday

Watch the Pope's VW bidding on eBay.

Heads are bound to roll after some bounder let the jolly old cat out of the bag that Prince Paparazzi Puncher had flunked his Regular Commissions Board computer test.

How dare someone suggest that Harry the lad with a taste for dubious military fancy dress - "Seemed to lack the same skills as the other recruits." Doesn't Family count for anything these days?

Fear not, all ye loyal Royalists, Sandhurst give officer recruits, who "need to brush up", a helpful CD. Just hope he knows how to bung it in the computer.

Nothing wrong with Harry's physical skills.

Before all you underpaid geeks out there decide you could get a commission in the British Army here are the tests you would have to undergo -

- Complete a computer test demonstrating various abilities
- Write an essay on a given question
- Complete a planning exercise then present your ideas to the group
- Complete both leader-lead and leaderless command tasks
- Have a number of interviews
- Attend a formal dinner night

Attend a formal dinner is a test?
Cripes! - Anyone for a quick chukka or two?

Blogger Problems

I have spent the last six months merrily blogging about anything that came into my tiny mind. At one stage I got a reasonable rating on Google and then I dropped out again except for a pretty meaningless rating for the main page miltbogs. blogspot. com.

Maybe I messed up the template by trying to put links in, so I decided to reinstall the template. That cleaned everything up. But then I made the mistake of running the page source through a couple of validators - millions of errors!

The end result is that I'm miserable as sin about it all and am buried in <p> tags, </p> tags and <br> tags, not to mention the need to close all the "img src" tags, including ones that I can't access because they are template generated somehow.

To cut to the chase I have found Stopdesign, Douglas Bowman's site, or one of them, and I'm going to look at the page source for the blogs linked on there. My reasoning is that if Douglas Bowman gives them a link, they must be using his templates correctly. I can already see that I am making a total pig's ear of paragraph tags so I'll use "br /" here.

It didn't work - the space was too big, so I just used the </p> tag. If the guys who put me up to this back in October or whenever had nitpicked my efforts at HTML I wouldn't be having this problem now. Had enough of this I'm off to collect my new contact lenses.

Fast Food Finger Epidemic Hits Wilmington

Wednesday

Last week it was Anna Ayala who claimed that she found 1½" of female finger in her bowl of Wendy's chili. This week it's Kohl's Frozen Custard on South College Road in Wilmington who are accused of serving up a severed finger in their chocolate custard.

This time no one is denying that it happened. An employee lost part of a finger when he put his hand in a custard making machine. The unnamed 23 year old male was immediately sent off to the local hospital for treatment.

While other employees were searching for the severed digit, it was served up in a pint of chocolate custard ordered at the drive thru window.

Clarence Stowers found the finger when he opened the custard at home. He now plans to sue.

The employee was unable to have the finger reattached because Clarence Sowers refused to return it, claiming that it is evidence. It's in his freezer.

Watch WWATTV's coverage of the story.

Iraq War In Uk's Economic Interests

Tuesday

Speaking on BBC television's Breakfast programme about the British Government's decision to go to war in Iraq, Chancellor Gordon Brown said,

“We believed we were making the right decisions in the British national economic interests.”

National interests I could just about stomach but economic interests!

Thanks Gordon - The truth is finally out.

Red Lake - Jeff Weise

Tuesday

I came across this personal entry when I was searching for Red Lake news. The site doesn't exist any more so I have mixed feelings about posting any part of it.

It was obviously written by someone who knew the people who died on March 21st in Red Lake and who referred to Jeffrey Weise as a friend.

“I wanted 2 make this site because I had alot of friends pass away. 2 of Suicide, and on March 21st, 2005.. i lost a lot of friends in the Red Lake highschool shooting.=-( i was in the classroom that Jeff shot in..(rowells biology class)  I was friends with the shooter...so i am NOT going to say anything bad about him, or let others do so...Yes, we all know he fucked things up for many ppl on this reservation,BUT. He was still my friend,Alwayz&4ever. So if you have ANYTHING bad to say about Jeff...keep that shit to YOURSELF..dont come to me bitchin and talkin shit about my homie in front of me...
*Jeff--The gunman...My friend..he loved to draw. Ya did it Jeff...you were ALL OVER the TV. I wish i can tell you how much i really cared for you, and how much people you hurt. Im mad because you killed so many of my friends...but....i forgive you. I know you were hurting.But its still no reason to kill another person. No matter how upset you are, but i know you are in a better place..with your dad. Your not in pain anymore,Jeff.all that really matters.”

What strikes me about the piece is the tone of fierce loyalty, that smacks of self defense - “dont come to me bitchin and talkin shit about my homie in front of me...”, the comment, “Ya did it Jeff...you were ALL OVER the TV”, and,“ but i know you are in a better place..with your dad.”

It's tough and it doesn't pull any punches. It doesn't set out to excuse what Weise did. Kids write about how they feel and about what is real to them.

The original piece included personal tributes to all those who died. I have only included those paragraphs that included references to Jeffrey Weise.

La Crosse Tribune, July 2005 - Family of Red Lake killer still trying to understand.

Mac OS X 10.4 Tiger San Francisco

Monday

Mac fans line up outside the Apple store in downtown San Francisco to catch a rare glimpse of Milt Bogs. Unfortunately Milt was unable to attend and they had to make do with a copy of the new Mac OS X 10.4 Tiger.

Click here for the sequence

Also In S.F.

Eduardo Bonsi is taking the The San Francisco Municipal Railway (Muni) to court on charges of creating a public nuisance.

"The Muni ruins our lives day and night with beeping noises, outdoor speakers, whistles and a noisy electric motor that just wails on," said Mr. Bonsi. “We cannot read a newspaper, watch television, sleep or work without being interrupted by the ear-splitting noises”.

The concerned Mr Bonsi has set up soundpollution. org in the hope of “Teaching the San Francisco Bay Area and the World about the adverse environmental health effects of noise pollution.”

You've got my support Ed. I think I'll have to start up a Bogsville branch.

Google Blasted And Bloggered

Sunday

Google continues to ignore www. miltbogs .blogspot .com unless someone makes a direct search for miltbogs which just isn't very likely.

I thought Google was supposed to be working out ways of helping "the little man" and let's face it Milt is "a little man".

Individual Bogs entries used to show up fine in Google but then suddenly, for no apparent reason, Miltbogs disappeared without trace and to add insult to injury Blogger's User Stats insist on showing just 16 posts. 16 posts - you have got to be joking!.

Most of the visits the page gets are Yahoo generated.

And so Milt decided to reload the template. "A piece of cake," I hear you say. Yes that's why he did it but the basic template code layout seems to have been redesigned and the tag names modified so that it isn't a straightforward job to reinstall the last six months' personalised bits and pieces that were all saved in notepad.

Typical!

Picture ripped from jean-mo

Wrong again - the new template is exactly the same as the old template - the last six months of tweaking and boggering about is what made the changes.

But 16 posts - Come on!

Meanwhile On eBay

Tuesday's bid for Benedict XVI's old Golf is up €100,00,00 to €162.161,11 - only 5 hours to go!