Blair's Catholic Rhythm Method

One Two - I got rhythm, I got rhythm.

There are rumours in the news that Tony Blair will become a Catholic when he steps down as leader of New Labour. I assume that he will embrace all its teachings and that he is already using the rhythm method during his sexual encounters.

"One, Two, Three, Four, Five - Whoops!"
"Five Times Tony?" - that's "Premature Ejaculation."

Before anyone thinks that I am having a cheap dig at the rhythm method -

"The rhythm method works wonders. My parents used it for many years. - I'm the youngest of eight."

And if anyone thinks I'm having a cheap dig at Tony Blair .....

Milt's Origins

All this led me to an astounding discovery about my background aka Roots.

Alas, we have no photos of Milt when he joined the family as a tiny caterpillar from the field across the street. We brought him in with the most tender stalks of milkweed we could find, and placed him in a plastic box with a lid made of old pantyhose, on the windowsill in our greenhouse, where he ate and ate for about a week.

A lid made of old pantyhose? That explains a lot - and no wonder I disappear to my chair in the greenhouse when it looks like rain or the wind is from the east.

My father always reckoned that I came into being because they needed all the rubber for lorry tyres during WW2. Personally I prefer the "tender stalks of milkweed", old pantyhose and greenhouse windowsill version.