Ballcock Torture

Monday

It's cold enough to freeze the nuts off a brass monkey here in Bogsville. I've been up in the roof space replacing a ballcock, if that's the right term for it.

The overflow from the central heating header tank was dripping and when I braved taking a look, found that the ballcock had filled with water and had sunk.

Rather than pay someone the $120 call out charge I bought a new float for $1 and did it myself. If you include getting up the ladder I reckon it took 3 minutes. I'm going to become a professional, ballcock fixer.

Prince Charles On Torture

So the poor guy feels that he's been "tortured" by the Brits over his relationship with whatever her name is. Tortured? I reckon there are a few guys in Abu Ghraib prison and in Guantanamo Bay who would disagree.

But then what can you expect from a guy who visits Sri Lanka and says that he has been "moved" and was "terribly upset" by the loss of more than 31,000 lives.

That's Bush, Blair and poor tortured Charles who make me want to throw up. Excuse me I feel a movement coming on.

This Beggars Belief

A seven year old girl who has only ever been fed through a tube after being diagnosed in a UK hospital as having Bulbar Palsy, which prevented her from swallowing solid food, was flown to California for treatment.

Tests at the Lucile Packard Children's Hospital in Stanford, California, indicated she merely had swollen tonsils. She is now tubeless and eating normally.

£10,000 for a trip to diagnose swollen tonsils! I told you that UK hospitals were a danger to health.

Miracle Penis Severed Again

Sunday

A medical miracle or lousy research?

On June 7th 1998 Kim Tran, pleaded guilty before the Supreme Court Of British Columbia, Canada, to an aggravated assault on her husband. The assault involved the severing of her husband's penis while he was asleep.

The couple had six children before the husband started an affair with another woman. Kim Tran begged her husband to end the affair but he refused, fell into a drunken sleep in a chair at which point she attacked him. This is all clearly explained in the Court Papers.

Last week, almost 7 years later, the sad couple were back in the news care of Fox News.

Yes you guessed. Same story, same people but this time we have kinky sex added to the attack.

A search through Google News comes up with two or three pages all carrying roughly the same story, all dated February 2005.

In some of the stories it is the guy's mistress who carries out the attack, sometimes it is Kim Tran attacking her lover rather than her husband and in one report it's an unfortunate uncle who gets sliced.

Just how many times does this poor guy have to have his joint carved and flushed down the toilet to keep you news freaks happy?

Tarts off Blair Menu

Saturday

St Paul's Grammar School for Girls in Birmingham, St Anne's College, Oxford, trainee barrister - all ideal qualifications for a prospective Labour candidate.

But 53 year old Christine Wheatley has been rejected by New Labour because her CV didn't include her six week stint as a prostitute in Paris thirty years ago.

Labour Party officials insisted she was not disqualified because of her six weeks as a prostitute but because she had been less than frank in her CV.

Ms Wheatley said: "I am not ashamed at all. I have worked as an encyclopaedia salesman in Germany - I'm more ashamed of that."

"Less than frank" - sounds ideally suited to a position in New Labour.

Don't call us Christine - just leave your card so that we can call you.

"The average teenager thinks about sex once every 15 seconds". Only once? Lucky us old boggers are still around.

UK Government Virus Advice

Friday

The UK Government is streets ahead when it comes to offering security advice to its citizens. Advice on how to create your own desalination plant and now a real sophisticated website to combat the perennial threat posed by those virus spreading computer terrorists.

Just as well really when virtually the whole of Britain is blue-screening with monotonous regularity.

How much has ITsafe cost the UK taxpayer?

Pictures from the ITsafe launch party! So that's a launch party - you've been conned Hazel.

OK so how do I discover that I've got a nasty infection of some virus or other? If I sign up with them they'll send me an email telling me there's a virus flying about. Do they know how long it takes to get bugged up?

By the time the email has arrived the pesky thing will already be installed and zapping emails back and forth using my super highway connection to do its dirty work.

Do they tell me how to get rid of it? Do they offer me patches or antivirus software? You have got to be joking!

3 point plans and handy tips.

They should have got a 12 year old to set the site up for them. Talk about dumbing down!

What they do tell you is that Hazel Blears MP "is Minister of State for Crime Reduction, Policing, Community Safety and Counter-Terrorism and provides support to the Home Secretary on counter-terrorism and resilience".

If I were Bill Gates I wouldn't let them anywhere near my company's software. Oops - too late.

What is this I'm reading? - "The British Army was unable to account for exactly what equipment it had deployed in former Yugoslavia for its UN peacekeeping operations" - "Solution - Microsoft's Theatre Equipment Database Yugoslavia (TEDY) project was mandated initially to track all equipment of a value greater than £2,500."

I thought it was just those weapons of mass destruction they couldn't find!

The Minister of State for Crime Reduction, Policing, Community Safety and Counter-Terrorism is now on the job - if you'll pardon the expression.

Reassuring news from Sophos.

Check out this band The Kills.Video here.

Just been offered a Genuine College Degree in 2 weeks !
Have you ever thought that the only thing stopping you from a great job and better pay was a few letters behind your name? Well now you can get them!
BA BSc MA MSc MBA PhD
Within 2 weeks , No Study Required, Completley verifiable!
These are real, genuine degrees that include Bachelors, Masters and Doctorate degrees.
Student records and transcripts are also available. The opportunity exists due to a legal loophole allowing some established colleges to award degrees at their discretion!
Order yours today. Just call the number below, and leave your Name and Phone Number. You'll thank me later.

Makes you wonder why you bothered all those years ago doesn't it.

Can they do a CD, DVD or VHS? Milt Bogs DVD or VD and scar?

Thanks but no thanks guys, I don't fancy waiting 2 weeks.

Bush And Blair A Security Risk?

Thursday

George Bush's visit to Mainz in Germany on Wednesday was supposed to create an opportunity for Washington and Berlin to "mend fences".

According to Deutsche Welle "Up to and during Bush's visit, a force of 10,000 police officers staged one of the biggest postwar security operations in Germany. Frogmen searched the Rhine River for explosives, 1,300 manhole covers were welded shut and thousands of residents were displaced.

For Bush's eight-hour stay there was also a strict ban on air traffic within a 60-kilometer radius of Mainz, barges on the river were halted and motorways in the region closed. Factories, businesses and schools were shut."

A town-hall style question and answer session with "average Germans" was cancelled. The Germans refused to allow a scripted event where the questions were approved in advance. Bush's team felt an unscreened verbal encounter with the German public would be too unpredictable.

During a press conference two weeks ago, Bush said Washington is still terribly misunderstood in Europe. Misunderstood George? They welded up the manhole covers didn't they?

Meanwhile in London

Blair's new anti-terrorism bill was voted in by a parliamentary majority of seventy six, 309 votes to 233. The bill seeks to introduce "control orders" which would enable the home secretary to stop terror suspects travelling or using phones or the internet, without need for a trial.

The hard sell or scaremongering started up with typical Blair comments like, "There is a serious security threat to this country ... I think these people would kill thousands of our citizens if they could. I think this is terrorism without limit" and "For these limited number of cases ... those considerations of national security have to come before civil liberties no matter how important those civil liberties are."

Home Secretary Charles Clarke weighed in with, "The Madrid atrocity took place during the Spanish election campaign and it may be that such things can also be possibilities here too."

"I think", "if they could", "I think", "may be", "can also be possibilities" all linked with "serious security risk", "kill thousands of our citizens", "terrorism without limit", "national security", "Madrid atrocity".

Haven't we been here before? Better get welding up those manhole covers.

Spam Induced Vitanuova Recipe Search

Wednesday

Do You Care
Could fish early ride. Very stand, might, tell would consonant.
Went of cold your, new question. Camp, which on last. Fact read,
yard green. Late job land. Same some a it sing sing. Knew step
milk common, sun. Position, ocean, road wear went. Lake piece
note. Walk king, effect, final time. Instrument ball often move,
behind.
Amadeus Darwin

A strangely compelling piece that came to me anonymously. Having failed to set it to music or to convert it into a three act play I sought help to make sense of it from Dogpile, Doo-Doo or whatever.

At that point I was sidetracked by MacGourmet - think "iTunes" for recipes.

A frustrated gourmet seeking fulfilment, I lusted and drooled over the Vegetable and Beef Soup offering. At last a culinary use for my slotted spoon and I could hardly taste the Bleach needed after its last outing.

Those of you interested in a compact operating system for building cross-platform distributed systems might like to investigate Vita Nuova's Inferno 4th Edition.

I would do it myself but I'm compiling a response to Charles B. Hubbard and Stefan Parry's offering, "The Expression of Defining characteristic: Dialectic feminism and subcultural theory."

I'm ok with most of their argument but to say, "Bataille promotes the use of constructive capitalism to deconstruct hierarchy and it therefore follows that the premise of subcultural theory holds that the goal of the poet is significant form" is surely only true if you accept that "constructive capitalism is valid."

I'll get my teeth into that once I've got them out of the Vegetable and Beef Soup.

There just ain't enough hours in the day.

Make sure you check the link in the Title.

Bush, Blair And Dog-Doo

Tuesday

I listened to Bush's speech delivered in a rambling monotone to the EU leaders in Brussels but couldn't get past his lack of fluency.

To be fair the text of the speech - was - ok. The delivery - left a great - deal to be desired. He's picked up on Blair's pregnant pauses but he gets them wrong. Sometimes they just show that he's lost his place. I can only assume that his speech writers split the text into chunks to emphasise the breaks - result - the speech becomes meaningless to him. I listen to Bush or Blair and the words - "It says here" - always spring to mind.

There's a transcript of part of the speech here. At least you can supply your own pauses.

This morning I decided to brave the elements and take Dog for a walk. We got to the fields only to discover that he'd dumped in the back of the car again. Volvos have that effect on you.

It's like listening to Bush or Blair or drinking in the Hole in the Ground bar.

I am currently suffering from Darkling Thrush syndrome.

Cruz In With Beckham

Monday

At long last we have something important to blog. Mrs Beckham has been birthed of another son - Cruz. It was by caesarian section.

"It's just a name we liked. We found it hard this time but we came up with a name that we both loved and stuck to it," Beckham said. "He's got Victoria's nose and lips. He's gorgeous so we're very happy."

What have they got against Jesse, Adidas or Sky? Personally I think Vodafone would have been nice.

Perhaps he was named after that tattoo on the back of David's neck.

The guy has money - but no one could ever accuse him of having good taste.

According to the Portsmouth Herald -

"British soccer star David Beckham showed up at a party with four rosaries around his neck. Later, he appeared on the cover of Vanity Fair wearing a $1,000 rosary from Dolce & Gabbana. Britney Spears was photographed in London wearing a white set of the prayer beads.

Catholic clergy, not surprisingly, aren't impressed with the craze.

Fearing that the rosary was being "trivialized," the Catholic Bishops Conference of England and Wales put out a leaflet on proper use of the beads in prayer.

"I am sorry that people are wearing them as fashion accessories and are not mindful of their religious significance," the Rev. Allen Morris, an official of the conference, told the BBC.

Father Morris noted that the rosary includes a crucifix, an "odd thing" to wear.

"The cross is an instrument of torture," he said. "Why not wear an electric chair?"

Now that would be an interesting name!

My research also tells me that Cruz is the name of Manchester's favourite gay venue and has been for over twelve years..

Spam Thought For The Day

Sunday

Today's spam provided this rich harvest -

If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.
A black plum is as sweet as a white.
You cannot make bricks without straw.

Offering from a Tobago page.

"Crime...Crime..Crime and more crime...i was down in trini for 2 weeks in january....in one day it had 5 murders....1 kidnapping...ah mean seriously..ppl eh have nothin better do with dem time?"

Here's a reassuring thought for all you 40+bloggers.

"In a battle between elephants, the ants get squashed."

Help for recent searchers.

Perthshire Wind Farms

Argyll Wind Farms

It's An Unfair Cop

Weapons Of Miss Destruction

Saturday

Why attack is better than defense.

USA Today reports that the US military are firing defense missiles from Kwajalein Atoll in the Marshall Islands to intercept rockets fired from Vandenburg Air Force Base in California 4,200 miles away.

The only problem is that the missiles don't bring down their targets. Some deterrent! The last successful test interception was in October 2002.

"It strikes me as a little odd that we would deploy a system that hasn't succeeded and expect that to serve a deterrent value," Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton, D-N.Y., told Rumsfeld during a hearing before the Senate Armed Services Committee.

"I agree with that point, that there's no deterrent if something is known to not work," Rumsfeld said.

Rumsfeld also said the best way to develop a system is to get it into the ground, work out the problems and keep testing so the capability evolves into the early stages of a missile defense. "If you didn't do anything until you could do everything, you probably wouldn't do anything," he said.

And there I was feeling relatively safe in my bed. We can't even shoot down our own damn missiles.

The tests generally occur at night, often lighting up the sky with a brilliant display of explosions, burning debris and sonic booms.An expensive firework display even by today's standards.

Kwajalein Island is off limits to unofficial visitors except as a transit point to neighboring Ebeye Island, home to about 10000 Marshallese laborers who work on Kwajalein but aren't allowed to live there. Bikini Atoll natives now live on the NE end of Kwajalein Atoll where the Environmental Protection Agency gives them annual medicals.

Bikini Atol - wasn't that the nice little island that the nuclear bomb tests made uninhabitable?

"As soon as the war ended, we located the one spot on earth that hadn't been touched by the war and blew it to hell." - Bob Hope.

The inhabitants were asked to leave temporarily so that the United States could begin testing atomic bombs for "the good of mankind and to end all world wars." Sixty years later they still haven't been able to return. You're quite right Donald - "If you didn't do anything until you could do everything, you probably wouldn't do anything." I'm sure the people of Bikini agree. Have you cleaned up their atoll or paid them their compensation yet?

Alzheimer's Drug Speeds Up Mental Decline

Friday.

According to a report in the British Medical Journal, Quetiapine (sold as Seroquel) and rivastigmine (Exelon) are prescribed to nearly half the patients with dementia in residential homes in Britain as a treatment for agitation, often for long periods. The trial involving people with dementia living in care in Newcastle suggests that the drugs are ineffective and, in the case of quetiapine, actually accelerate the progress of the disease. Those given quetiapine showed a much more rapid decline in mental capacities.

The report says that the drug should not be used to treat such patients. "Neither quetiapine nor rivastigmine are effective in the treatment of agitation in people with dementia in institutional care. Compared with placebo, quetiapine is associated with significantly greater cognitive decline."

AstraZeneca's Seroquel site lists the following possible side effects - elevated blood sugar and diabetes, excessive thirst, increased urination, overeating, or weakness, NMS or neuroleptic malignant syndrome characterized by muscle rigidity and fever, tardive dyskinesia (uncontrollable movements), drowsiness, dry mouth, dizziness, constipation, weakness, abdominal pain, sudden drop in blood pressure when standing, sore throat, abnormal liver tests, upset stomach, and weight gain.

Just what you need if you're an Alzheimer's sufferer. The Alzheimer's Society estimates that there are currently over 750,000 people in the UK with dementia.

The full report is available here.

Spell Checks And Rabies

Thursday

Here's an article I spotted this morning on ZDNet.co.uk. The guy who wrote it claims to be in retailing.

"I had this program (virus), on my PC, I could not remove, it. Norton would not, or Sygate Serch and Destroy, or Adaware. I even tryed to delet the files manualy, as instrucked by a web page but they just kept reapering. I evenchaly gave up and thought it was asyer to reformate my system.
These people make my blode boil, if I new how they where I would have no wime about taking the law into my own hands and smaching up there pc's, as it's the only thing I can do."

I think he must have manually deleted his spell check!

I suspect he may be the guy who sent me this spam email.

As ye sow, so shall ye reap - or should that be reapering? Hope the reformate went well.

Another Blode Boiler

I thought UK hospitals were must avoid places but I now have to add German Hospitals to my list.

It seems that three hospital patients have been infected with rabies through organ transplants and are in critical condition. It's not all bad news though - three others who received transplants from the same donor, a woman who died of a heart attack late last year, are doing fine. Read all about it in the Globe&Mail. At least you are safe in the USA. Oh no - "Four people in the United States died of rabies last year after receiving infected organs from a donor in Arkansas."

As the retail guy in the first story said, "They just kept reapering". It sure makes your blode boil.

Digital Hearing Aids

Wednesday

My wife's father has a digital hearing aid. It's stuffed full of the latest technology and enables him to hear perfectly. During one of her recent trips North to visit him he asked her to wind up his carriage clock.

"That's better," he said from the other side of the room, "I can hear it ticking now."

"You can hear it ticking from right over there?" she asked.

"Pardon?"

Oh well - it almost enables him to hear perfectly.

Hole In The Ground

There was guy in the bar last Monday. I noticed because he had a woman with him. We don't often see a woman in the Hole In The Ground so it tends to stick in your memory.

This guy also had a red jacket that made him look like he had escaped from a holiday camp or had parked a coach outside. I think he was just in lurv and had dressed to impress. He almost managed it.

Years ago I had a black jacket with my university's badge on the breast pocket. How cool was that? Anyway one night I was drinking with some lady or other and eventually had to go to the men's room to create space for more drinks.

I was standing there, concentrating on the job in hand when the guy in the next stall spoke to me. I looked round and saw that he was wearing a jacket just like mine except that the badge was different.

"Who are you driving for?" he said. "I've been driving coaches a long time but I don't recognise your badge."

I cut the badge off the pocket. It's in a drawer somewhere.

Jazz organist Jimmy Smith has died.

Balls Off After England Balls-Up

Tuesday

Welsh rugby fan Geoff Huish walked home and sliced off his testicles with a knife after his team beat England 11-9 in Cardiff.

The 26 year old was so convinced that England would win that he told other drinkers in his Caerphilly social club that he would cut his balls off if Wales won. They thought he was joking but that is exactly what he did.

After walking home and castrating himself he walked the 200 metres back to the club to present shocked drinkers with the evidence.

Staff at the club called an ambulance and his severed testicles went with him in a pint pot filled with ice.

It appears that Mr Huish has a history of mental problems. You can say that again.

It is also worth noting that he is seriously ill in hospital.

I wonder if the hospital returned the glass to the bar?

Yahoo

If you thought the Beckhams were barmy when they selected names for their boys, what about the Romanian couple who were so grateful to have met on the internet that they decided to call their son "Yahoo". Cornelia and Nonu Dragoman decided that they were made for each other after a 3 month relationship conducted on a Yahoo dating site.

It appears that barmy parents are naming their chidren after brands - sometimes causing distress in the family. The mother of one American boy named Timberland, claims she wanted to call the boy Kevin, but her husband, now ex-husband, insisted they called the boy Timberland or Reebok.

Not likely to be a problem for Mr Huish.

Viral Valentine

Monday

It's Valentine's Day. What did I get? A virus courtesy of some shite on a Diana Krall site.

I have now removed it and am healthy again.

As a result I am listening to a Nerve Engine track to cleanse the system. Try the second track "Once". The quality is better if you download it.

I like it - beats me why they didn't put it on their myspace page. Their home page is http://www.nerveengine.com/

There was a safe link to the Diana Krall track I was searching for here might still be there. Find Temptation - great track. You'll need RealPlayer for it.

A Dog's Game

Sunday.

The local butcher provided us with a pig's liver to supplement Dog's diet. It turns out that is not a good idea to add variety to Dog's daily intake, especially when it is lightly sautéed liver. Yes he liked it very much and yes the change to the regularity and consistency of his bowel movements was dramatic.

As a result I am acting as Dog's doorman. The slightest rumble or twitch and I am off at a canter to the back door so that it's open when he arrives.

I think it has become a game.

The trouble is that if I lose the game I am on all fours - scraping, scrubbing, disinfecting and steaming. Dog on the other hand, merely feels relieved.

UK Bonkers Bonked

Saturday.

UK, the place over there where it's ok to bonk burglars but not the women unless you're wrapped up like a spaceman and where refusing a woman's demands for sex might end up with you going home nutless.

Guys in Wolverhampton seemed to have it made when a massage parlour offering extras was set up in a swanky first-floor flat in a multi-million-pound showpiece regeneration development in the centre of Wolverhampton.

Two girls a day between 11a.m. and 8 p.m. - phone up, book one, pop up, pay your $20 to get in, pay $120 for the extras, have a shower and pop back to work smelling like a rose. Sure beats a nutless dash to A&E.

Then a reporter starts phoning all the massage parlors he can find, asking if they do full sex. He runs a "shock horror this is terrible but I will save society" story.

What impressed me was the way he published the web addresses and warned that they contained material unsuitable for minors and that they advised users not to proceed, if the concept of paying for sex offends - so kids, don't try this on your computer at home. He names the property agents, the Council and even manages to work in the UK's Vice President.

I tell you bonking in Britain is a high risk pastime.

The latest online version of the paper carries a conclusion to the story. The final paragraph just about sums it up. "Inspector Chris McDermott said no complaints had been received about Market Square apartments and that police were not investigating the website or the flat where sex was offered."

The steamy exclusive tag has disappeared along with the website and the girls. Hope they haven't gone back to the streets. Meanwhile the paper has uncovered another sleazy internet site peddling sex tales. There's a nice quote from a lady on the council - "I am amazed because I can't think of anywhere in Willenhall where such activities take place". You can now lady - it's in the paper.

Seems to me that if you want to spend all day phoning massage parlors asking if they do full sex or trawling the net for sites "openly promoting locations for dogging and prostitution", get a job with The Chronicle.

What a hypocritical bunch of sleaze-balls these reporters are. Anyone know where Willenhall is?

I have a better idea - you guys should get the next plane to Bogsville or Hamburg.

Piddling In The Wind

Friday.

The British Wind Energy Association provide very interesting reading for all you wind farm fans. There is a list of all operational sites here and a list of new sites for 2004 here.

Note that Projects currently under construction combined with wind farms online will provide 1.5% of UK electricity supply from 1,321 turbines by the end of 2005. This would be equivalent to the annual electricity needs of just under one million UK households or roughly half the needs of Outer London. Fear not London has its own wind farm at Ford Dagenham with two turbines

134 wind farms, 1,321 turbines and 1.5%. It all sounds like "piddling in the wind" to me. Massive disruption for minimal returns.

I quote Howard C. Hayden, Professor Emeritus of Physics, University of Connecticut,

"California has some 3200 wind turbines that, combined, produce only about 1.1% of California's electricity........even if California had 100 times as many windmills --- 320,000 windmills --- could they get 100% of their power from windmills? Not a chance. Most of the time, the windmills would produce very little power, and, of course, when there's no wind, there's no power at all. At those times, other power sources have to be ready to produce 100% of the power requirements. In short, windmills do not allow any other power plants to be taken out of service."

Read the article here.

Meanwhile people all over Scotland await rulings on whether their hills are to be brought to life with the sound of turbines.

Perthshire.

Argyll.

Blueyonder Bogsville subscribers continue to enjoy slow connectivity. I emailed them last Wednesday and this morning received the following reassuring message -

"Your message
To: Blueyonder
Subject: Helpsite form contents -- broadband user
Sent: Wed, 9 Feb 2005 10:35:38
did not reach the following recipient(s):
Host unreachable.

Scottish Wind Farm Frenzy

Thursday.

Government cash offers send Scotland into a short-term profit Wind Farm Frenzy. Last year it was Argyll now it's Perthshire. This morning we received this email from relatives over in Scotland.

This is a big, heartfelt appeal. Please click on this now to help us. http://www.aswag.org.uk/ and go to what I can do, If you want to please register your objection to this area being selected by the local council as their 'preferred area' for wind farm construction on a colossal scale. Deadline Friday 11 February. Please can you help now?
This would support our fight against the proposed construction of 166 of the highest wind turbines - think height of struts on Forth Road Bridge, or tippety top of the London Eye, or pinnacle of Scott Monument, Edinburgh and you have some idea of the size, except these would be on top of all the hills surrounding Dunkeld, Amulree and Aberfeldy.

If I thought that having them there was going to do anything to save the planet for our children, I'd support them. They are not. With a life span of around 20 years, an efficiently factor of anything from 30% (wind farms companies) to 11% (latest expert opinions) these 166 monsters will fill up the hilltops with roughly the same amount of cement as 166 Olympic sized swimming pools, not to mention the contaminated water from the cement mixers, which have to be flushed out immediately into our water courses? And that is just problem.

The electricity they produce will be transported to 300 to 400 miles away on giant cables, so the existing pylons will be replaced with those three times their size.

It's all madness, and smaller schemes, of which we are huge supporters, such as the imminent small hydro one a mile away at Rumbling Bridge will produce enough electricity to power all Dunkeld and the surrounding areas, with almost no impact to the environment.

However, the guaranteed government cash is making the entire concept and attraction of windfarms like a frenzy, as it is soooooo attractive.

Some folks, like three of our local estate owners have refused to co operate with the companies and turned down offers of a £100K a year. Great, but others haven't. So the Council have also latched upon this area as a likely area.

Please look on the website for further information.

Argyll Wind Farms story link.

Chet Baker

Tuesday.

Only 1 hr 40 mins to go before Blueyonder's slow running Jan 27 fix time of 36Hrs becomes 148 Bogsville Hrs and still no fix in sight.

Statistics prove that people who brush their teeth regularly are less likely to be obese than people who don't brush regularly. This doesn't mean that brushing your teeth is a brilliant way of burning calories, just that people who are cranky about their appearance are more likely to brush teeth, exercise regularly and take an interest in what and when they eat.

More useless statistical information. Children from wealthier families tend to read better than children from poor families. Simply mindblowing!

My reading and my temper would improve dramatically if I could access the web at the speeds I'm paying for. Current ping time for google.co.uk is average = 174ms, high 160ms, low 190ms. Ping to google.com is 90ms minimum, 117 maximum, an average of 97ms.

At least I've still got a connection.

Back to the statistics - Bogsville research shows that there is an increased risk of heart disease, hypertension, non-insulin dependent diabetes, gallstones, osteoarthritis of weight bearing joints, sleep apnoea, reproductive disorders and some cancers in people over the age of 65, not to mention problems with sight, hearing loss, bunions, baldness, wrinkles and an increasing inability to pull birds.

I'll have to get one of those Blueyonder Clocks and reduce my age by something like ½.

Blueyonder The Answer to Eternal Youth

Tuesday.

Only 1 hr 40 mins to go before Blueyonder's slow running Jan 27 fix time of 36Hrs becomes 148 Bogsville Hrs and still no fix in sight.

Tuesday.

Only 1 hr 40 mins to go before Blueyonder's slow running Jan 27 fix time of 36Hrs becomes 148 Bogsville Hrs and still no fix in sight.

Statistics prove that people who brush their teeth regularly are less likely to be obese than people who don't brush regularly. This doesn't mean that brushing your teeth is a brilliant way of burning calories, just that people who are cranky about their appearance are more likely to brush teeth, exercise regularly and take an interest in what and when they eat.

More useless statistical information. Children from wealthier families tend to read better than children from poor families. Simply mindblowing!

My reading and my temper would improve dramatically if I could access the web at the speeds I'm paying for. Current ping time for google.co.uk is average = 174ms, high 160ms, low 190ms. Ping to google.com is 90ms minimum, 117 maximum, an average of 97ms.

At least I've still got a connection.

Back to the statistics - Bogsville research shows that there is an increased risk of heart disease, hypertension, non-insulin dependent diabetes, gallstones, osteoarthritis of weight bearing joints, sleep apnoea, reproductive disorders and some cancers in people over the age of 65, not to mention problems with sight, hearing loss, bunions, baldness, wrinkles and an increasing inability to pull birds.

I'll have to get one of those Blueyonder Clocks and reduce my age by something like ½.

Statistics prove that people who brush their teeth regularly are less likely to be obese than people who don't brush regularly. This doesn't mean that brushing your teeth is a brilliant way of burning calories, just that people who are cranky about their appearance are more likely to brush teeth, exercise regularly and take an interest in what and when they eat.

More useless statistical information. Children from wealthier families tend to read better than children from poor families. Simply mindblowing!

My reading and my temper would improve dramatically if I could access the web at the speeds I'm paying for. Current ping time for google.co.uk is average = 174ms, high 160ms, low 190ms. Ping to google.com is 90ms minimum, 117 maximum, an average of 97ms.

At least I've still got a connection.

Back to the statistics - Bogsville research shows that there is an increased risk of heart disease, hypertension, non-insulin dependent diabetes, gallstones, osteoarthritis of weight bearing joints, sleep apnoea, reproductive disorders and some cancers in people over the age of 65, not to mention problems with sight, hearing loss, bunions, baldness, wrinkles and an increasing inability to pull birds.

I'll have to get one of those Blueyonder Clocks and reduce my age by something like ½.

Blueyonder Clock Time

Monday.

When are 36 hours not 36 hours? Answer - When they are Blueyonder clock time.

Jan 27, 2005 7:12 PM
Priority P3
Estimated Time Fix 36 Hours
Customers Affected Broadband and Dialup

Feb 1 2005 9:08 AM
Priority P3
Broadband and Dialup
Estimated Time Fix 36 Hours

Feb 4, 2005 3:49 PM
Priority P3
Broadband and Dialup
Estimated Time Fix 36 Hours

We have an issue raised for slow speeds in the Bogsville area - hope this resolves your issue.

No - raising the issue won't help anyone - fixing it will.

Let's see what the next 36 hours bring.

Spring Springeth

It's dull and it's misty and it isn't all that warm but something is going on in Bogsville gardens.

Blueyonder Help!

Sunday.

Download speeds varying between a low of 340Kb/s and a high of 3004Kb/s. I'm usually getting around 2000Kb/s. I'm supposed to be on a 4Mb line so I contact Blueyonder to ask if my connection really is 4Mb.

I struggle with the technicalities of what they are asking me for and eventually start an email exchange that goes as follows:

Thank you for your e-mail to blueyonder Technical Support.
Your enquiry is currently being investigated and we will contact you again shortly.

Thank you for your email to blueyonder Technical Support.
You seem to have a number of established connections showing on your netstat -a. These programs need to be closed down and download test redone. Can you run the tests from a UK mirror on the tucows.blueyonder.co.uk site. Please supplu another netstat -a test.

Now I get a mail that sounds like I'm about to get somewhere.

Hello Milt
Thank you for your post to blueyonder Technical Support
If you download up to 4 files simultaneously from Tucows, what is the total speed obtained?
Kind regards

The harsh realities of technical support kick in again at this point.

Dear Sir / Madam
Thank you for your e-mail to blueyonder Technical Support
Your enquiry is currently being investigated and we will contact you again shortly.
Should you need to contact us in the meantime however, please quote the fault reference number in the subject header.
If you require any further assistance please phone Technical Support.

Back to square one here

Dear Sir/Madam,
Thank you for your email to blueyonder Technical Support.
We have an issue raised for slow speeds in the Bogsville area, please view the following link for more information:
I hope this resolves your issue
Kind regards

We're going round in circles here and my original question has still not been answered.

Michael Jackson On Skin

Saturday.

The truth is out at last.

In an attempt to make sure he has a "fair trial", Michael Jackson goes on Fox TV and announces to the World, "I have rhinoceros skin, but at the same time I'm human."

So now we know. How about gator or gnu skin next time Michael?

The ranch, Neverland, is also a place for inner-city children to experience the joys of seeing the mountains, riding on a carousel and petting horses and llamas, Jackson explained.

Oh dear - it just gets worse and worse.

Blogger In Transit Lounge Search

Friday.

Someone in Spain searched for "transit lounge" yesterday. The poor devil ended up on these pages because last November I used the term to describe an out of town Bogsville bar.

I suspect the search was inspired by Mehran Karimi Nasseri who has been in limbo at Charles de Gaulle International Airport in Paris since 1988 and has had two films made about him.

I guess Steven Spielberg's film The Terminal triggered the Spanish search for "transit lounge" that ended up here in Bogsville.

Is the film showing somewhere in Spain?

For my Spanish visitor - if you are still camping out in the Bogsville transit area, try these three links about the poor guy in Charles de Gaulle airport.
Stranded
Guardian Article
Amid airport travelers.

Kenny Wheeler Dave Holland Lee Konitz Evan Parker

Thursday.

Sorry - Kenny Wheeler's recent 75th Birthday gig at the Queen Elizabeth Hall in London was available here from BBC Jazz on 3.

It was excellent and if you want to see a couple of gig photographs.....

Not sure what the link is to now. Last time I updated this page it was to Paul Motian, Stan Tracey and Pat Metheney - not Kenny Wheeler but must hear stuff just the same.

Bonking in Britain OK

Wednesday.

Bonking in Britain now has the official backing of the Government and there are people in the UK who are so desperate to get bonked that they break into houses to get it.

In the UK bonking used to mean having sex. Nowadays it's more to do with biffing, wacking, thumping, shooting or stabbing with a bit of crash-tackling thrown in. All the sorts of pastimes that Brits enjoy on Friday and Saturday nights.

If you're an ex-Navy Seal you just might survive a fun vacation over there.

I'm not sure which is more off-putting - the dangers of bonking the women there, the dangers of refusing to bonk the women there or the apparent need to bonk burglars as well.

The UK used to be full of strange but harmless people who went around in Bowler hats, shaking hands with everyone and saying things like, "How jolly" and "Toodle pip old chap".

Now it seems Brits are sleeping with bats, knives and guns - if they've got them, to teach those jolly old burglars a jolly good lesson by giving them a jolly good bonk before saying, "Toodle pip" and handing them over to the local law.

Bonking burglars has been certified as safe by the CPS.

Useful UK Gov Tip

How To Build An Emergency Desalination Plant

Reassuring item!

Here's another useful tip from Bonk mad Britain - this time from Harley Medical. This morning their News and Press section only contained one item. It isn't there now. It appeared to be from NewWoman magazine.

It claimed to be for women who want their boyfriends rebuilt.

The full works would cost from around £32,000 but he would get Johnny Depp hair (well an implant of around 12 hairs for around £12,000), Jude's square jaw, Brad Pitt pecs (£7,000 a pair), Freddie's packet, Orlando's Butt and Beck's legs and Johnny W's six-pack!

By the time he'd had all that done he'd be in too much pain to bother about you lady.

If he's really that much of a wreck, do him a favour and wait for a burglar.

To relax go here preferably in a new window - press ctrl and the link - and enjoy Ron Carter.

Blogger's Block

Tuesday.

Bad case of Blogger's Block here in Bogsville. (It may or may not have its root cause in links one and two below.)

I'll go with old posts just to keep the daily entry going.

Beer- The Secret Ingredient.

Bad Taste.

Leeds Band News.

It's an Unfair Cop.

Well there you are. I complain about Blogger's Block and within seconds I've got a comment posted. The least I can do is supply a live link -

anonymousmidwestgirl youall have made my day.