UK Bonkers Bonked

Saturday.

UK, the place over there where it's ok to bonk burglars but not the women unless you're wrapped up like a spaceman and where refusing a woman's demands for sex might end up with you going home nutless.

Guys in Wolverhampton seemed to have it made when a massage parlour offering extras was set up in a swanky first-floor flat in a multi-million-pound showpiece regeneration development in the centre of Wolverhampton.

Two girls a day between 11a.m. and 8 p.m. - phone up, book one, pop up, pay your $20 to get in, pay $120 for the extras, have a shower and pop back to work smelling like a rose. Sure beats a nutless dash to A&E.

Then a reporter starts phoning all the massage parlors he can find, asking if they do full sex. He runs a "shock horror this is terrible but I will save society" story.

What impressed me was the way he published the web addresses and warned that they contained material unsuitable for minors and that they advised users not to proceed, if the concept of paying for sex offends - so kids, don't try this on your computer at home. He names the property agents, the Council and even manages to work in the UK's Vice President.

I tell you bonking in Britain is a high risk pastime.

The latest online version of the paper carries a conclusion to the story. The final paragraph just about sums it up. "Inspector Chris McDermott said no complaints had been received about Market Square apartments and that police were not investigating the website or the flat where sex was offered."

The steamy exclusive tag has disappeared along with the website and the girls. Hope they haven't gone back to the streets. Meanwhile the paper has uncovered another sleazy internet site peddling sex tales. There's a nice quote from a lady on the council - "I am amazed because I can't think of anywhere in Willenhall where such activities take place". You can now lady - it's in the paper.

Seems to me that if you want to spend all day phoning massage parlors asking if they do full sex or trawling the net for sites "openly promoting locations for dogging and prostitution", get a job with The Chronicle.

What a hypocritical bunch of sleaze-balls these reporters are. Anyone know where Willenhall is?

I have a better idea - you guys should get the next plane to Bogsville or Hamburg.