Hello Sailor
Track of the day Once - Nerve Engine.
I wasted five minutes this morning trying to get a couple of randy flies to uncouple but they seemed blissfully unaware of me.
They refused to move even when I shoved the camera lens at them. I suppose I should have got the fly swatter and flattened the pair of them. Nothing like going out with a bang, or so I'm told.
It reminded me of Les Dawson's piano playing sketches. Even the Elvis impersonator who hides behind the peak of his baseball cap had to give up midway through Old Shep. Perhaps it was the backing tracks that were out of tune.
I wasted five minutes this morning trying to get a couple of randy flies to uncouple but they seemed blissfully unaware of me.They refused to move even when I shoved the camera lens at them. I suppose I should have got the fly swatter and flattened the pair of them. Nothing like going out with a bang, or so I'm told.
Out Of Tune
To get the smell of gloss paint out of my nostrils I trotted along to the Hello Sailor arms for a beer. The regular karaoke session was in session. Until last night I had always thought that it was impossible to sing every single note of a song off key but one woman managed it. No that's unfair. It wasn't just one woman, they were all at it.It reminded me of Les Dawson's piano playing sketches. Even the Elvis impersonator who hides behind the peak of his baseball cap had to give up midway through Old Shep. Perhaps it was the backing tracks that were out of tune.
Posted by Milt at 12:53:00 pm
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I made the mistake of getting the gloss paint out today. At 9.00am I painted the inside of the back door. Then I noticed that it takes 16 hours for the damn stuff to dry.
Hardly on a par with Henry V before Agincourt but as far as the England soccer team is concerned these stirring words are 
The England players consumed 70 litres of fluids during their abysmal performance against Ecuador. If the wevver was so hot why weren't their shirts stuck to them with 70 litres of honest sweat?
This is not a tassel twirling stripper's bra this is what they flew in from Everett WA for dog.
The problem today was that he decided to walk round in ever decreasing circles and I was worried that both he and I would disappear up our respective asses.
I woke up expecting rain but the sun shone all day. I wandered round the back yard with dog in his neoprene pants. The woman next door oiled up and took things easy. She looked like she needed neoprenes too but I decided to say nothing.
I was expecting a package to be delivered by UPS. The guy arrived, rang the bell and pushed one of those 'we called but you were out' cards through the door.
Mind boggling - a top 10 for constipated cities!
Beware teams with players who wear white boots. Players with white boots not only look stupid but also fall over a lot.
This cheerful guy was so depressed that he decided to escape by taking the road to Dudley. Link to a bigger picture 
The 
In the belief that MI5 has been dumbed down and would nowadays be unrecognisable to the faceless men and women who worked there forty years ago, I moved on to MI6. The secret intelligence network is obviously like Windows operating systems, the higher the number the better. Yes, MI6 has a website too with a '
If there is a hose pipe ban in your area it becomes a criminal offence to use a hose pipe to wash your car or to water your plants.
Anyone who believes the media hype about the Adidas Teamgeist world cup soccer ball being designed to provide more goals and thus more excitement, is an idiot. The ball retails at around £75 UK or $135 US and every kid in the soccer world will want one. The real excitement comes when Adidas accountants count the cash.
Last year I spent hours chasing these little buggers round the bedroom with the vacuum cleaner. I'd never seen them before and hadn't a clue what they were.
Yesterday's drive south was uneventful. The weather was fine, the traffic very light and the voice from the dashboard only managed "recalculating" once. I got to Ruislip with well over an hour to spare before the 4:15pm funeral service so I pulled into the carpark of the Breakspear Arms. After a relaxed half pint, a couple of smokes and a pee, I tootled on down the hill to the crematorium and wandered off to watch people arrive.
It was a quiet, peaceful spot. Two large, black funeral cars were parked outside the main building and an elderly couple were sitting on a bench watching the grass grow on the manicured lawns.
I spent part of last night reading Chris Cadman's "
A personalised number plate on a Mercedes can tell the world a lot about the car's owner.
The traditional public house, heart of the local community, where neighbours meet to unwind at the end of the working day, discuss the barmaid's remarkable cleavage and play a game of dominoes or darts.
The police still haven't unearthed anything to justify Friday's decision to send 250 men and women to batter down the front door of a house in Forest Gate, London and the subsequent shooting of one of the occupants.
Bogsville councillors have decided to get tough on shopkeepers who put racks of clothing and other sale goods on the pavements outside their stores. Partially sighted old boggers have been blundering into them and hurting themselves. Councillors have now decided that if the shopkeepers don't move the obstructions, they will face legal action.
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