Hogmanay - Again

Track of the day - Bagpipes and that.

I won't be watching Ray Mears' new TV series Wild Food in 2007.
Anyone who is filmed pushing a supermarket trolley through a forest has to be a confidence trickster.
The bloody things won't even push straight on a supermarket floor.

Meanwhile it's Hogmanay - again.

Happy New Year to everyone out there.
We've had to cancel. No not bad weather, just total apathy.

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A Nerve Engine MP3 to download :
Nerve Engine - Distance
or go to NE's My Space page to stream it.
Nerve Engine Gig Gallery

The Blind Leading The Blind

Track of the day - Moonlight Shadow - Mike Oldfield and Maggie Reilly.

The postman delivered a letter from Bogsville's Eye Hospital this morning. It read as follows -
Dear Mr Bogs,
CHANGE OF OPTHALMOLOGY CLINIC APPOINTMENT
Unfortunately it has been necessary to change your appointment on Monday 5th March 2007 at 12:00 noon.
Your new appointment is now
On Monday 18th June 2007 at 11:40a.m.
We apologise for any inconvenience this change has caused.

Excuse me but we have been here before. The June appointment will eventually be cancelled because the rules and regulations governing NHS appointments allow up to two cancellations.
For the last two years the first two appointments have been cancelled and the third one has been honoured.
Next year there is the added complication that as Bogsville's Hospital Trust is millions of pounds in debt, they have decided to sell the eye hospital buildings to property developers. By March or June 2007 at the latest the Opthalmology Clinic should be well on the way to becoming an exclusive housing development. I expect the new occupants of number 23 will be thrilled to bits when I turn up for my annual glaucoma inspection.
I'm afraid it is another case of the blind leading the blind.
Which reminds me for some reason or other - How's the free Bee Gee holiday in celebrity infested Miami progressing Tony? I see you and George finally fixed that Saddam Hussein. Lucky he was the only one not wearing a mask, otherwise they might have topped the wrong guy.
P.S. Thanks for the gratuitous stills from the home movie too.
Now that you've got that unpleasant business out of the way, see if you can fix the National Health Service will you? I'd just like to point out that every time my glaucoma appointment is cancelled you seem to be 'all expenses paid' holidaying with a celebrity pop singer.

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A Nerve Engine MP3 to download :
Nerve Engine - Distance
or go to NE's My Space page to stream it.
Nerve Engine Gig Gallery

A Post Christmas Tale

Track of the day - Moonlight Shadow - Mike Oldfield and Maggie Reilly.

The card at the bottom of the stairs seemed to say it all.

A Post Christmas Tale

"Milt, I haven't seen you for, how long is it now? Must be at least ten years since you retired."
"Yes. I suppose it must be about ten years."
"I can't believe how much you've changed in ten years."
Obviously not enough, I thought to myself, you recognised me.
Yes, I'd nipped out for a beer, my first alcoholic drink since the Friday before Christmas.
After five dry days I was looking forward to it until Jugdish appeared from nowhere to tell me how he'd had enough of work and about his latest plans for a takeaway curry house on a far flung Greek island.
He told me that he'd recovered from the nervous breakdown, his euphemism for the arson attack that could have killed a whole street of sleeping people.
Come to think of it, a remote Greek island would be an ideal place for him.
I staggered home thoroughly depressed, contemplating plastic surgery and wishing I'd stayed at home.

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A Nerve Engine MP3 to download :
Nerve Engine - Distance
or go to NE's My Space page to stream it.
Nerve Engine Gig Gallery

Uk's Most Popular Carol

Advent Calendar link.

Carol of the day - Ouch Holy Night

According to my sources the UK's most popular carol is O Holy Night.
I had never heard of it.
This must be a misprint, they mean Holy Night.
After much painstaking research I discovered that Oh Holy Night is indeed a song in its own right but after listening to it I can only assume that its afficianados are suffering from iPod induced deafness.
I leave you this version of Oh Holy Night so that you may judge for yourselves. Stick with it - it's worth the sacrifice.

Mr & Mrs Islander had the right idea. They rented a cottage for Christmas. It's best to get away.

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A Nerve Engine MP3 to download :
Nerve Engine - Distance
or go to NE's My Space page to stream it.
Nerve Engine Gig Gallery

I Was Wrong

Advent Calendar link.

Track of the day - Run Run Rudolph - Chuck Berry



This morning I thought it was Christmas Eve.
As usual it turns out I was wrong.

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A Nerve Engine MP3 to download :
Nerve Engine - Distance
or go to NE's My Space page to stream it.
Nerve Engine Gig Gallery

Spirit Of Christmas

Advent Calendar link.

Track of the day - England's Carol - Modern Jazz Quartet

As you can see, we are really entering into the spirit of Christmas.
Bogsville Heights is currently enduring the annual invasion by vagrant offspring.
Mrs B is busy providing sustenance, warm blankets and good will and I'm keeping well out of the way.

This afternoon she went out to visit Wiggy, Bogsville's friendly but prematurely bald chemist to get something or other and came home with Mr and Mrs Islander who had dropped by to sing us a couple of carols and to use the WC.
Mrs B has decided that carols are off the agenda this year. As far as I'm aware it's not a political correctness thing.
It's just that we don't have any mulled wine, mince pies or five pound notes and you can't be too careful these days.
So there you are - it's not that we're mean it's just that we're careful.

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A Nerve Engine MP3 to download :
Nerve Engine - Distance
or go to NE's My Space page to stream it.
Nerve Engine Gig Gallery

"Gutted"

Advent Calendar link.

Track of the day - Right Place Wrong Time - Dr John



I have to retract yesterday's negative comment about the DVLA and its promise to deliver a tax disc within five days during the week leading up to Christmas.
The disc arrived this morning.
I was, as they say, gutted.

Never mind I still have the plethora of Don't signs to strengthen my faith in mankind.

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A Nerve Engine MP3 to download :
Nerve Engine - Distance
or go to NE's My Space page to stream it.
Nerve Engine Gig Gallery

Easy

Advent Calendar link.

Track of the day - Stormy Monday Blues - Earl Hines & Dizzy Gillespie

Yesterday I had a piece prepared about online tax discs from the DVLA. At some point during the evening the computer decided to shut down.
Needless to say I hadn't saved the piece. I'll try again.

"You can get your Tax Disc online now. It's easy," she said.
I rushed off to prove that any site set up by a Government Department would be so full of bugs that using it would be anything but easy.
My first attempt resulted in this screen.
Subsequent attempts failed when the site couldn't identify my car from the details I entered resulting in the suggestion that I should visit a Post Office. But then a miracle! - My car was identified as being insured and MOT'd and a screen appeared full of 'fill in to pay' boxes.
Disaster - just as I was about to pay for a brand new computerised tax disc, this screen came up.
Eventually I managed to get to and complete the pay page. I elected to pay by credit card but when I pressed the pay button I got a warning that paying by credit card would cost an extra £2.50 on top of the £175.
And there was me feeling guilty because I was saving the DVLA money by taking the job away from a counter clerk. I changed the method of payment to my debit card.
In all I suppose it took me three quarters of an hour to get the site to do what it was supposed to do. At the end of everything I was told that the disc would be posted to me within five days and that if I hadn't received it in the stipulated time I should phone such and such a number. Five days - at Christmas! They must be joking. It would have been easier to go to the Post Office.

Later this evening I went along to the Hole in the Ground bar. The screen on the cash machine read "Terminal Ready". I found the word 'terminal' somewhat alarming but appropriate.
At closing time plus a few minutes the seven guys playing cards with pound coins piled up on the table in front of them complained bitterly when they didn't get served.
"It's your loss. We'll take our trade elsewhere."
Just as well. The bar doesn't have a licence for gambling.

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A Nerve Engine MP3 to download :
Nerve Engine - Distance
or go to NE's My Space page to stream it.
Nerve Engine Gig Gallery

ABZ And A Camera

Advent Calendar link.

Track of the day - Rudy's Rock - Bill Haley

It's good to be home. There was a week old cold sausage in the fridge and some cheese with a very furry coat. I threw the sausage away and ate the cheese before I wandered off to the Hole in the Ground bar.The bar was empty but I noticed that the new owner has installed Graceland type wrought iron fencing, thus demonstrating a total lack of taste. Surprisingly the beer was the same price as it was a week ago. I thought that a price rise would have been in order to finance the tasteless fencing.

As I stepped out onto the tarmac at Aberdeen Airport this morning I decided to risk imprisonment and take a photograph of the plane.
Last week, on the way in, the police threatened me with confiscation and destruction. Today I was spotted snapping away by a worker in a yellow jacket. He started writing on a piece of paper as I approached him. Mrs B feared the worst and I prepared myself for instant arrest.
Instead I was handed an email address and asked to mail the guy a copy. It seems that BA are laying off a load of ground staff and he wanted a souvenir of his days with them. He also wanted a picture that he could use with applications for future jobs. The photograph has reached him. I hope it helps.

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A Nerve Engine MP3 to download :
Nerve Engine - Distance
or go to NE's My Space page to stream it.
Nerve Engine Gig Gallery

Sunset Began At 2.10pm

Advent Calendar link.

Track of the day - Phoenix - Nerve Engine

There was a frost this morning that stayed all day and sunset began at 2.10pm. Depressing that. Ford found its way to the tip and offloaded a pile of old bedding. It went against the grain to recycle it but we couldn't find anyone to take it.
It's so cold that I suspect people up here in Aberdeen live in a state of permanent semi hibernation. Having said that, there are small fishermen's cottages at Footdee down by the harbour that still have geraniums in flower in little garden plots that face the North Sea.
Yesterday we got a lesson in how to Bonsai trees.

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A Nerve Engine MP3 to download :
Nerve Engine - Distance
or go to NE's My Space page to stream it.
Nerve Engine Gig Gallery

Fear Of Flying Cure

Advent Calendar link.

Track of the day - Phoenix - Nerve Engine

We went to visit an old friend who has overcome her fear of flying after attending a British Airways training weekend. The course was so successful that she flew to Benidorm in Spain for a holiday. Sounds more like a punishment than a reward to me but still...
At some point she found herself in conversation with a platinum blonde woman weighed down with gold jewellery.
"I've been coming to Benidorm every July for the last four years, but I won't be coming again. I'll be going to Alicante next time. The first three years were fine but this year was dreadful. Benidorm was full of Spanish people."
Spanish people in Spain! Whatever next?

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A Nerve Engine MP3 to download :
Nerve Engine - Distance
or go to NE's My Space page to stream it.
Nerve Engine Gig Gallery

Welcome To Scotland

Advent Calendar link.

Track of the day - Phoenix - Nerve Engine

We got off the plane yesterday and hung around for what seemed like hours for Herz to find our prebooked motor. Bored, I strolled off with my camera.
Two policemen appeared.
"Just arrived have you or are you just leaving?"
"Just arrived."
"It's an offence to take photographs in the terminal building without the permission of the Duty Manager. It's a security thing."
I'd just photographed the Welcome to Scotland - smoking is illegal etc. sign hanging from the ceiling and draped with Christmas baubles.
Eventually the policemen said they would trust me not to take any more photographs and let me rejoin the queue at the Herz desk where I mulled over how lucky I had been to escape summary execution.
On the way out I tried to find a sign to photograph that said I shouldn't be taking photographs. There wasn't one.

The rental car is the first Ford that I've ever driven and it stinks. I don't know what perfume Herz use when they valet their vehicles but I won't be using Herz again. I've had to buy an air freshener to mask the perfume. It's dire.
The car also has no smoking signs stuck all over the interior and the cigar lighter has cunningly been removed. Cigarette smoke is preferable to the stink of Herz.

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A Nerve Engine MP3 to download :
Nerve Engine - Distance
or go to NE's My Space page to stream it.
Nerve Engine Gig Gallery

Laptops and Handbags

Advent Calendar link.

Track of the day - Phoenix - Nerve Engine

I'm back again.
At the end of our road there is a homeopathic clinic. This morning I noticed a large sign. It read
Car Park
Patron's Only.
Strange really. I always thought they had hundreds of patrons. Seems like they only have one.
Once a pedant - always a pedant.

I'm blogging this from up north because Mrs B. decided to bring her laptop. I asked if it would mean she had two pieces of hand luggage.
"Oh no," she said, "laptops don't count."
Oh yes they do.
"Only one piece of hand luggage each Sir."
I refused to travel without the camera. Eventually the contents of the handbag went into the laptop case and enough of the camera went into the handbag to pass scrutiny.
As soon as we'd checked in they were trying to sell me Austin Reed suits, jackets and probably handbags. One piece of hand luggage in - as many pieces as you can carry out.
It doesn't make sense to me.

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A Nerve Engine MP3 to download :
Nerve Engine - Distance
or go to NE's My Space page to stream it.
Nerve Engine Gig Gallery

Underpants Benefit

Advent Calendar link.

Track of the day - Phoenix - Nerve Engine

The red, green, orange and blue christmas lights are flashing in the windows on the other side of the road, Mrs B is ironing my underpants and the rain is bucketing down outside. I suggested some starch rather than pressing was what was needed. Underpants benefit from a little stiffness in them occasionally.
It's all a waste of time because they'll need a good scrub when I get off the plane tomorrow. Flying is not one of my favourite pastimes.
We'll be up north until next Monday, the 18th December so there'll be even more gaps between my blog posts. I'll take my notebook and pencil with me just in case anything noteworthy happens.
I think I'll request the full body search at the airport.
Before I go I'd just like to wish Brenda Lee of Sweet Nothin's fame a belated happy birthday. Only a day late which is pretty good for me. I've lost that photo you signed for me in 1959 Brenda. Could you send me another one please?

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A Nerve Engine MP3 to download :
Nerve Engine - Distance
or go to NE's My Space page to stream it.
Nerve Engine Gig Gallery

Dinnae Fesh Yersels

Advent Calendar link.

Track of the day - Hoots Mon - Lord Rockingham's XI

Milt threw a wobbly at the crematorium. Being told to wait outside or sit quietly in one of the funeral cars while the blood relatives greeted the mourners was what finally did it.
Somehow I seem to have spent the whole of last week in car parks. God knows why they sell cigarettes in Scotland - you certainly can't smoke them anywhere except in car parks but 'dinnae fesh yersels' the loons're working on that wee discrepancy.
The summit of Ben Nevis will soon be classed as a public space so smoking up there will become illegal too. Personally I think it's time the Government cracked down on people piddling in swimming pools - and you thought it was the chlorine that was making your eyes sting!

I drive back down to Bogsville after a week asset stripping in Scotland and what do I find?
No sooner have I turned my back than they've sacked the splendid new manager of the Hole in the Ground Bar. He who cleaned his pipes regularly and purveyed sparkling beers is no more.
He is defunct.

And no sooner have I recovered from the horrors of motorway driving in December than I'm back off to Scotland again but we're flying this time. Another week away. We have a hire car booked - just. I couldn't find my driving licence. It's always in my wallet but it wasn't there.
We hunted high and low, upstairs and downstairs and even in my lady's handbag. Nothing.
Mrs B. phoned the DVLA and reported its loss. Then I looked in my wallet again and there it sat in all its glory. Very strange - but typical.

A week ago I was sitting in the Hole in the Ground scribbling notes on a pad. A guy asked me what I was writing down. I got the impression that he thought I was either police or a foreign spy. I explained that I noted things down so that I wouldn't forget them. I didn't tell him that it was for possible inclusion in a blog.
He seemed satisfied with the answer and then told me that he was a bouncer, that he suffered from Alzheimer's too and promptly bought me a pint. I accepted the pint and sat wondering why he thought I was an Alzheimer's sufferer. I hope he's forgotten that I was trying to chat up his wife.

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A Nerve Engine MP3 to download :
Nerve Engine - Distance
or go to NE's My Space page to stream it.
Nerve Engine Gig Gallery

Travelling Man

Advent Calendar link.

Track of the day - Catch The Wind - Donovan

Tomorrow I become a travelling man heading north to the frozen wastes of Scotland. We have to travel in short stages because Mrs B's newly stitched innards are not supposed to travel vast distances.
I suspect that we would get there just as quickly if we walked. We'll spend the night in Cumbria somewhere and move on to Angus on Monday.
We hope to arrive in Aberdeen on Tuesday in time to meet the rest of the Clan as they get off their planes, trains and rickshaws.
It seems strange that there's an empty house up there that's waiting for people to breathe life into it again.
Cue for a poem -

Home is so Sad

Home is so sad. It stays as it was left,
Shaped to the comfort of the last to go
As if to win them back. Instead, bereft
Of anyone to please, it withers so,
Having no heart to put aside the theft

And turn again to what it started as,
A joyous shot at how things ought to be,
Long fallen wide. You can see how it was:
Look at the pictures and the cutlery.
The music in the piano stool. That vase.

Philip Larkin 1958.

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A Nerve Engine MP3 to download :
Nerve Engine - Distance
or go to NE's My Space page to stream it.
Nerve Engine Gig Gallery

Nerve Engine At The Haygate

This year's festivities begin. Advent Calendar link.

Track of the day - And Now We Stand - Nerve Engine



The camera worked despite the lack of any meaningful lighting, the DAT recorder worked but the Haygate's P.A. was totally shot and there were no on stage monitors so the guys who were playing couldn't hear themselves play.
It doesn't seem right to me that bands should travel miles to have to play through garbage in house equipment. Don't the people who run these venues realise that they will drive people away if the house sound quality is substandard?
Having got that out of the way, Nerve Engine climbed out of their van, wandered in, walked on stage, plugged in and played another incredibly tight set despite the fact that there was no one to run a sound check - what's the point when the house equipment is already shot?
If the PA cones weren't flapping before the gig they were by the end of the night.
Solid gig guys. Find me a venue with a healthy PA to record next time.

And finally, a note to the young lady who thought I was objecting to the volume when she spotted me poking my ear plugs in.
How's your hearing today?

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