NHS Appointment Cancelled

The phone rang at 9:05 am.
Mrs B answered it. The call was for me.
"Guess who?" she said, handing me the phone.
It was the Eye Hospital.
"Hello Mr Bogs? I'm sorry to phone so early but I'm having to cancel your appointment this afternoon. The lady who does the field tests just phoned in sick. There's nothing I can do about it. We'll send you another appointment through the post."

So there you have it. Another National Health hospital appointment cancelled. This time I got five hours notice.
Wonderful system or at least it used to be before accountants started running the service.

March 5th - Cancelled
June 18th - Cancelled
July 31st - Cancelled
August 6th - Cancelled

IMPORTANT
The Trust's policy is not to automatically offer further Appointments to patients who fail to let us know they will not be attending.

Rather Like Sinbad

The sun appeared yesterday so I took a break from flat pack book cases and carried the Sunday papers into the garden.
I'd been reading for about ten minutes when I realised that vision through my left eye was blurred, a bit like looking through frosted glass or a lens that has been smeared with Vaseline.
My eye had felt a bit gritty when I woke up.
I cleaned my glasses and discovered that I could see a whole lot better without them than with them.
So much better, in fact, that for the first time in fifteen years I was able to read the small print on a label.
I announced my discovery to Mrs B, made a mental note to visit the optician first thing on Monday morning to get the miracle recorded for medical science and proceeded to read out loud from everything that had printing on it.
Half an hour later I decided that my left eye wasn't performing as well as it had been so, rather like Sinbad, I gave it a good rub with the palm of my hand and a contact lens dropped out.
This was confusing because I hadn't worn my lenses for days, not since we went off to search for flat pack book cases last Thursday morning.
I set off to the bathroom to check the contact lens pots. The bloody pots sat there empty, peering up at me from the shelf.
When I checked my right eye, I found a lens in there too. No wonder I could see better without my glasses.
Tomorrow I have my annual appointment at the Eye Hospital, which is just as well because I don't think it's a good idea to wear contact lenses for four days without cleaning them.

The mail just arrived. One brown envelope addressed to me.
Change of ophthalmology clinic appointment.
Unfortunately it has been necessary to change your appointment on Monday 6th August 2007 at 11.00 am.
Your new appointment is now on Monday 1st October 2007 at 09:00 am.
This is now the third time they have canceled my original 5th March appointment - March then June and then August. It's way beyond a joke. A lot can happen to your eyesight in seven months especially when you leave your contact lenses in for 90 hours.
I still have a field of vision test set for tomorrow afternoon so I expect I'll end up being incredibly rude to some poor little girl on reception who is in no way responsible for all the cancellations. I'll ask her to point me in the direction of the complaints department.

Just A Note

This was a week when I rediscovered the ills of hill walking, was taken for a ride in a new motor, lost interest in racing cyclists, found a handwritten note from a policeman on the hall table, visited a giant Swedish superstore, had problems with a burglar alarm, discovered that the strange toothpaste my wife had purchased for me contained poison that possibly wrecked my liver, sat smoking in the back yard of a no smoking pub drinking lager that disagreed with what was left of my liver and was visited by relatives.

With heigh-ho, the wind and the rain,
For the rain it raineth every day etc.

Widow Shopping

Track of the day - Pawn Shop Blues - Sonny Terry and Brownie McGhee.


There are bird droppings on the top of our television set. The birds must have decided that it's too wet to roost in the trees and have started to come indoors to escape the rain. So far the chief suspect is a robin. I'm hoping that the pigeons stay outside.

This morning I donned my oilskins and trusty sou'wester and paddled along to the local shops to purchase yet another pack of cigarettes.
En route, I paused for a while, widow shopping at Cedric and Clive's little hairdressing salon. The window was full of women, whether they were widows or not is open to debate, but they had popped in out of the rain to have their bits teased and primped ready for the weekend.

I would have popped in too but I really don't fancy having my bits teased by either Cedric or Clive and if the lady on the right primped me I don't think I'd ever be able to walk again.

Meanwhile, the local Homebase superstore seems to think that the unseasonal weather will continue indefinitely. Either that or it is trying to attract local terrorist groups.

Tour de France

Track of the day - Interesting Indeed - Sean Kelly.


I am now addicted to the Tour de France cycle race.
I have been watching its progress on Eurosport, mainly to prove to myself that the sun is up there somewhere behind the clouds that regularly deposit gallons of water on Bogsville.

I particularly enjoy listening to Sean Kelly's summaries even though I can't actually make out a lot of what he says. I did try to get subtitles but there aren't any.
Why young men, some heavily bandaged, want to pedal up and down the Alps or the Pyrenees beats me, but it puts into perspective the pitiful whingeing of massively overpaid soccer players and cricketers who complain about feeling jaded.
Whatever these cyclists get paid to pedal up and down France it just isn't enough.

Blame The Bomb

Track of the day - Fire - Arthur Brown.

Red sky at night, shepherd's delight
unless the sky looks like this one, that is.



It has rained all day today, for a change.
Fifty years ago my Grandmother blamed lousy weather on Atom and Hydrogen Bomb testing.
I'm sure that if she were alive today she'd say that the thousands of tons of bombs dropped on Iraq and Afghanistan are to blame for the current lousy weather.

A Sudden Shower

Track of the day - Whoooeee! - Zoot Sims & Bob Brookmeyer.



Had it not been for the sudden shower of rain that sent the boys scurrying for any available cover, it is doubtful whether anyone would ever have found Matron's missing vacuum cleaner attachment.

Eyeball The Red Planet

Track of the day - Atombomb Remix - Fluke.

This picture of the Red Planet was staring out of the optician's computer monitor at me when I strolled in to see him at lunchtime.
I know that he's interested in photography so when he'd finished proving that my left eye couldn't read the bottom two lines of the chart I asked him about the picture on the screen.
He explained that it wasn't a picture of Mars, but the inside of one of my eyeballs.
I did well not to throw up all over him.
It matters not one iota to me whether the picture is of my right or my left eyeball.
Whichever it is, the sight of it has put me completely off thoughts of food which is just as well because I forgot to take the meat out of the freezer early enough for it to defrost.
If I get peckish I'll have to make do with pickled onions in ketchup.

Cures Haemorrhoids At A Stroke

Track of the day - Slade at Reading 1980.

This toilet roll, known locally as 'the shredder', not only brightens up the smallest room in the house but also reduces the birth rate and cures haemorrhoids at a stroke.
Constipation has never seemed so attractive.

According to the BBC Wales website, Mid Wales may not be a traffic hotspot but there are still problems on the roads.
I hurried off to check on the state of traffic hotspots in the Principality just in case I decide to have a day out and I'm glad I did because under the heading Live Travel News, I discovered that the B4333 near the Ship Inn, Aberporth, closed for roadworks on 14 March 2005.
Anyone know when the road is likely to reopen?

The Nexus Nightclub in York sounds like a place to avoid on a night out.
Now that there is no cigarette smoke to mask the smell of body odour, stale beer, vomit and urine, the club has apparently installed fragrance systems which pump out smells including strawberry, chocolate and vanilla.
Mask it any way you want fellas, body odour, stale beer, vomit and urine just don't appeal.

Of Portents & Blueberry Hill

Track of the day - Jonah - Louis Armstrong 1938.



I have decided that as the sun only shines on the righteous I'm in a lot of trouble here.

A portent from on high is the last thing I need right now. She with ants in her pants has disappeared over the rain sodden hills into Wales for a week.
Always the optimist, I went out in search of a watering can this morning and spotted a woman heavy with child.
I hope that wasn't another portent.

If it would only stop raining for a while I'd go in search of Blueberry Hill. Are you out there anywhere Blueberry?

Bryan Ferry Gig

I hear that suit's Bryan Ferry support gig ended up costing the band more for the sound check than people in the crowd had paid for a ticket. Almost three times as much in fact. Tight fisted or what?
You guys should pass the hat round next time.

Bryan Ferry Suit

Track of the day - Let's Stick Together - Bryan Ferry.



My suit has finally come out of the closet.
It is taking the stage tonight in a band supporting Bryan Ferry at Repton in Derbyshire.
Easily the best attended night in suit's musical career and I won't even be wearing it.
Never mind. My DNA will be there so if you happen to be one of the 8,000 in the crowd, please wave or better still, breathe deeply.
Suit will probably be available on eBay next week.



I almost signed up as a card carrying member of the Liberal party yesterday when the news of ex-leader Charles Kennedy being caught smoking on a London to Plymouth train broke.
That was before I discovered that he'd voted in favour of the anti smoking legislation.

And there was I thinking he was making a protest.
Enjoy yourself suit!

Blue Monk - Oslo 1966

Blue Monk.
Oslo, April 1966.
Thelonious Monk - piano. Charlie Rouse - tenor. Larry Gales - bass. Ben Riley - drums.
Made my day!

The Three Feathers Westminster

Track of the day - Mae Hen Wlad Fy Nhadau.

English Pubs originally all had signs depicting simple scenes e.g. Hole In The Ground, Tulip & Tiara, Plough & Horses, Eight Bells and The Kings Arms.
As most travellers in the 14th and 15th centuries were illiterate, the sign was used to identify the Pub.
"After the funeral I'll see you in The Hole In The Ground."

I include this useless load of dollop because it seems that until very recently, drinkers at The Feathers public house in Westminster were unaware that they were drinking under a sign that included the words "Twll din pob sais" - a Welsh phrase meaning All English are assholes - rather than the usual German motto "Ich Dien". meaning I serve.

According to icwales.co.uk
A spokesman for pub giant Mitchell & Butlers, owners of The Feathers, explained: "It does seem that a sign was put up there which did have an offensive comment on it . We apologise to anyone it could have offended."

Grass Seed & Nude Trampolining

Track of the day - Woke Up This Morning - Alabama 3.

Today I was hoping to cover the Bogsville over eighties nude trampoline club's 'how to get your appendages in shape for the beach' demonstration but a sore back and inclement weather kept me at home.

I did however manage to get this shot of Henry who has been eating his way through the grass seed that used to be stored on a shelf in the shed.
The nude trampolining shoot will have to wait until another day.