Sunday, October 23, 2005

Kissable Lips

I suppose I was nine years old when I got the hots for TC. She sat in front of me in class and most mornings I'd go in early so that I could just sit in her seat and touch her desk lid. I was into deep spiritual communication with her.

She didn't know it of course because she didn't come from a family that held seances to call up the spirits of the departed and read the cards and the tea leaves. Mine did. Well my Aunt did and it was she who once announced, to my great personal embarrassment, that I would be a great lover because I had "kissable lips". Had she announced to the assembled family that I had a formidable brain and would one day save the World, everything might have turned out differently.

As it was I scorned education in favor of girls and TC was the one I chose when I was nine. Unfortunately she was one of those teacher pleaser girls. Work and gold stars were her speciality. No matter how often I pursed up in her presence, she just didn't seem to notice. Oh yes, TC had it all, blue eyes, blonde hair and beautiful handwriting. Unfortunately she appeared to have a blindspot when it came to my somewhat more basic physical needs.

Then one afternoon, without any warning, she led me round the outside of the school room to a spot behind a buttress that was screened from the road and researched my "kissable lips". I don't remember a lot about what happened that warm Autumn afternoon but I do remember the breathless sprint home afterwards.

We shared one other torrid session. It was under the trees outside the local church late one November afternoon. I got into a lot of trouble after that one because first thing the next morning TC told Miss Prissy, our teacher, that Milt had poked his banana into the post box and he shouldn't have done that should he? TC got another gold star for being a very good girl and I had to see the headteacher and a man from the Post Office who looked very serious and advised me to keep my banana out of post boxes.

I have tried to follow his advice. I really have. Lord knows - I have tried.
Dedicated to Cheryl
and TC of course, wherever she might be.

For my French readers

"Trois à quatre millions de Français connaissent ces troubles du transit que sont les diarrhées." Sounds like a load of crap to me!

Just who is this guy?

Just who is this guy? He makes Olympic gymnasts look like wimps!