Here Comes The Judge.

58 year old retired District Judge Donald Thompson is accused of jerking his gherkin using a "penis pump" while presiding over two murder trials and a civil case in 2003. Judge Donald Thompson, held sway at Creek County Court in Oklahoma for 23 years but is now back in court charged with three counts of indecent exposure and getting "pumped up". Hell it's a sobering thought that those who preside over cases involving mere mortals and their moral turpitudes are just as fallible as those before them.

Creek County court reporter Lisa Foster told police she saw Thompson attach the pump to his penis while court was in session and operate the device, "causing air pumping sounds". Sheesh! Members of the jury claim they heard what sounded like a bicycle pump or a blood-pressure pump. One "heard 'a swooshing kind of air, like kind of ch, ch' and saw Thompson making some movement with his upper body and arms".

Special Judge C Allen McCall, called in from Lawton, Oklahoma, to hear the case has not yet decided whether jurors will get to hear Ms Foster’s 180 hours of tape recordings. Wonder if that old favorite of mine, Pigmeat Markham singing "Here Comes the Judge" is on those tapes? Thompson's Tulsa-based lawyer, Clark Brewster, said that his client kept the pump and a spare behind the bench as part of a collection of knickknacks that he often "fiddled" with during breaks, among them a stress ball, a shoeshine kit and handheld games. "It was a gag gift that was never operational," Brewster told Courttv.com. "He never attached the pump to his penis and he was not masturbating on the bench."

Well I should sincerely hope not. But fiddling with his knickknacks on the bench doesn't sound any better. I guess it's all a question of semantics. Oh and before I five knuckle shuffle off for a shot of caffeine and a nicotine jolt, it seems that the defense team are accusing the crime lab of misfeasance. The jerks broke the judge's pump. Imagine testing another man's pump! The things that these crime lab experts have to do in the line of duty! Hope they haven't cross contaminated any vital DNA samples.

Go and read all about it in Lisa Bloom's CourtTv report. And if you still don't believe it take a look at this.

False alarm

The trial has now been postponed until Nov. 7 because a judge who had previously recused himself in the case participated in the jury selection. Doesn't anyone take the law seriously down there?