Hell Of A Way to Start Retirement

Joe lived two doors down until he sold up, moved to a smaller place and put the money he'd made out of the deal into the bank for when he retired.

I met him last week. He looked just same as ever but he didn't sound too good. He said that he'd just retired.

He'd been down to the Doc's, had a couple of tests and been diagnosed as in need of heart surgery but first they'd got to drain the fluid from his lungs. After they'd drained the fluid and done a biopsy on this and that the poor guy picked up the MRSA bug and was transferred to another hospital where they could treat what he'd been infected with at Bogsville's finest.

"I nearly died" he said.

To add insult to injury, they'd also detected blood in his urine and decided to check his prostate. The results came back clear but according to Joe, "It didn't half make my willy sore for weeks afterwards."

He's due back in hospital any time now for the heart treatment. They like to wait until everything is just about clogged up before they do anything. "They stick a little umbrella in and wiggle it round to clear the blockages," he said.

I told him I hoped everything worked out fine. He flashed a broad smile and held up two crossed fingers.

That's a hell of a way to start your retirement.

Apologies to the lady who wrote this - "I know what it is to need. I was the oldest of three and my mother was a single mother who never could quite get on her feet." When I read it I was convinced that it was a joke.