My Wife Is An Insomniac

Track of the day - Partlife - Prince Edward Island.



Deirdie, the pheasant has disappeared and a badger has appeared in her place.
I haven't seen the badger but Mrs B assures me that there was a badger waddling round the back garden at about five o'clock this morning.
And so, after many years of marriage I finally learn that my wife is an insomniac.
From now on I'll sleep with one eye open.

Snow In The Air

Track of the day - Partlife - Prince Edward Island.



No glorious Spring weather here in Bogsville. Woke up yesterday to mad March winds and snow.
This morning the temperature is 2.2C, there is still a gale blowing and there's more snow in the air.
Happy Easter!

A Very Modest Property

Track of the day - Partlife - Prince Edward Island.



It's good to know that I'm not the only fan of indie band Prince Edward Island's wee ditty 'Partlife'.
Listen to this dj's intro to the track. Sounds like he's after a drink!
Any ro-ad up, as they say round here, good luck to the band. Awesome lyrics folks.

Omega

I have just been informed that my watch will soon be back with me from the service department. About time too. They've had it since the beginning of December.

Hearing Test

After the debacle with the NHS 'Tube and Book' system that turned out to be the NHS 'Choose and Book' system my appointment with an Ear Nose and Throat consultant has been confirmed.
So there you have it, everything comes to he who waits. It's just that some have to wait longer than others.

A Very Modest Property

I quote the judge from his McCartney divorce judgement.

"They lived at Blossom Wood Farm house on the estate of 1500 acres. I have seen pictures of it. It is a very modest property."

1500 acres!
Modest!

Buckingham Palace 180 acres
Windsor Castle 13 acres
Kew Gardens 300 acres

You may take it from this that the Judge's idea of a very modest property differs from mine.

Pheasant Plucker

Track of the day - All Over Bar The Shouting - Prince Edward Island.

Yesss!
The much maligned Choose and Book site finally offered me an appointment slot.
That's not strictly true because it actually offered me not one, not two but three apointment slots. I booked one for mid April. I'll be going for the full works - ear transplant, nose reduction, wrinkle removal, facelift and face filler. They want me to take all my drugs along so it could turn out to be quite a party.
I think I'll pop along to the Hole in the Ground bar this evening to celebrate.

Pheasant

Deirdrie, the pheasant, is still wandering around the garden. She's been here for the best part of a week now eating bird seed and just about any little green shoot she can find. So we now have a dog wrecking the lawn and a pheasant eating all the plants in the flower beds.
Dog hasn't met the pheasant face to face yet. When he does I may well have to become a pheasant plucker.
Hope I got that the right way round.

How About A Nose Job?

Track of the day - Partlife - Prince Edward Island.

No wonder the NHS Choose and Book website is unable to offer me a session with a local ENT consultant. I'm having to compete for appointment time with private patients who want to pay for nose reshaping, cures for snoring, facelifts, facial fillers whatever they are, and the removal of facial lines and wrinkles.
I jest not. Those are the areas of expertise being offered by some of the local ear nose and throat specialists.

"Good morning Mr Bogs. How about a nose job? Or what about getting rid of a few of those unsightly wrinkles? No it wouldn't improve your hearing but it would make you look years younger.
Ask the young lady on reception for a copy of our latest price list on your way out."

Let's face it, once you're deaf you're deaf but there's real money to be made out of wrinkle removal and nose reshaping. I expect there's a fortune to be made out of facial fillers too.

ENT Appointment

Track of the day - Partlife - Prince Edward Island.

The Bogsville NHS Choose and Book system is still refusing to book me an ENT appointment.
I went online this morning, I had nothing better to do, the Choose and Book screen indicated that an appointment was available on April 14, a waiting time of 33 days.
I booked it.
A 'Do not close your browser while we finalise your booking' message came up on the screen.
I left the browser open.
Eventually the screen changed.

Booking Confirmation
Your appointment can not be booked.
Please contact the Choose and Book Appointments Line on 0845 xx xxxx x or your referrer Doctor. You can find their contact details on www.nhs.uk.

I phoned the 0845 number. A human link in the NHS booking chain told me that she couldn't help because her computer system currently had a blank screen' and that I should phone again later by which time she hoped that the system would be working again.
I decided to go back online to see if the appointment slot was still available.

Step 2 of 3: Choose Your Appointment
There are currently no appointments available, please try again later.

I went downstairs to make a cup of coffee and found a letter from the hospital. The letter contained details of an appointment with an ENT consultant for Wednesday 2nd April. Confused, I phoned the Hospital to find out what was going on and was told that the appointment didn't exist and that the letter was a mistake.
At 14:42 I logged in again to see if they had fixed the problem and discovered that I was now locked out of the system.

"This reference number is currently locked because of an incorrect logout. Please contact the Choose and Book Appointments Line on 0845 xx xx xx x to have the reference number unlocked."

Mrs B says that I should forget the NHS and pay to see a consultant and she's probably right but that isn't the point. An NHS hearing test diagnosed that I have a problem and referred me to my NHS doctor who suggested that I should see a NHS Ear Nose & Throat consultant. The NHS designed and paid for the Choose and Book system so I'm choosing to use it, if only to prove that it doesn't bloody work.
According to Alistair Darling's 2008 Budget speech today,

"The focus for the next decade on the NHS will be creating 'world-class services'."

World class services? What planet do you live on Mr Darling?

Asymmetric Hearing Loss

Track of the day - Partlife - Prince Edward Island.



A female pheasant has taken up residence in the garden. She moved in yesterday and is still with us this morning.

Tube and Book System

"It's called the Tube and Book system. We put your details into a computer and it tells us all the available slots for seeing an ear nose and throat specialist."
After my recent hearing retest the nice little hearing tester guy wrote a letter to my doctor so I made an appointment to find out what was in the letter. When I phoned the surgery I discovered that the doctor only holds surgeries on two days a week. I finally got to see him last Friday, two weeks after I phoned to make the appointment.
"You should see an Ear Nose and Throat specialist," he said. He explained that my test results indicate an asymmetric hearing loss. In other words it's not the same for both ears.
I explained that I'd got fed up during the test and hadn't pressed the button to register some of the sounds for my right ear.
"That might explain the results, but you should still see a specialist. He'll want to do a scan to see if there's a problem with the auditory nerve on the right side of your head. Your particular hearing loss could be caused by a growth on the auditory nerve. There probably isn't anything wrong but unless you have a scan you won't know whether there is or not."
So there you have it.
In my eagerness to prove that I needed an aid in my right ear as well as my left, I've let myself in for a session in a scanner, if I can find a specialist who can offer me an appointment.
The doctor explained that thanks to the latest computerised Tube and Book system that wasn't a problem.
"Have a word with the receptionist. She'll arrange it all."
I had a word with the receptionist. The Tube and Book system offered me two local appointments during a week when I'll be in Dorset and one appointment at a hospital miles away. I thought she was joking but apparently not.
I told her that if there was an appointment available in the South of France, I'd think about it, otherwise I wasn't interested in travelling vast distances to see a specialist.
In the end she gave me a letter that explained how I could access the system myself and arrange my own appointment.
Everything went well until I get to the what's available page, all I got was

" Step 2 of 3: Choose Your Appointment.
There are currently no appointments available, please try again later."

What worried me most is not the system's inability to offer me an appointment but that the Tube and Book system turned out to be the Choose and Book system.
No one speaks clearly these days.
Either that or I'm going deaf.