There's Nothing Cool About Tinnitus

Because of my rock band induced tinnitus, thanks for that Supertramp, I can't hear the telephone ring unless I'm standing right next to it. Unless, that is, I'm operating the bloody Dyson. If the Dyson is sucking all the tufts out of the carpets I can hear the telephone ringing all the time. Switch on the Dyson, the phone rings. Switch off the Dyson to answer the phone, it isn't ringing and no calls have been logged. Switch on the Dyson and the phone starts ringing again only it isn't ringing. The ringing is just inside my head. I suppose it's something to do with my tinnitus and the frequencies generated by the Dyson's cyclone or whatever they call their dust sucker system.

Collapsed Lungs

I now read that exposure to very loud bass frequencies can lead to collapsed lungs. This doesn't surprise me in the slightest because the night my hearing was damaged I experienced excruciating pain in my chest and my collar bone felt like it was going to snap every time the drummer's foot pedal hit the bass drum. I had difficulty breathing and was gasping for air.

I remember looking up at the ceiling to see if cracks were appearing. I really couldn't see how the building could survive the acoustic battering it was taking. No one else had any problems or experienced the same symptoms. They thought that I was just making it all up.

When we got outside onto the street I couldn't hear and even though I'd had nothing to drink, couldn't walk straight. My sense of balance had gone.

My hearing came back over the next few days but there was a permanent hissing sound that masked out all the interesting frequencies there as well and it's been there every day for just about the last 25 years.

I suppose that I was lucky because as soon as the music stopped, the pain in my chest stopped too. I don't want to sound like a killjoy but these kids who go clubbing night after night, plug themselves into iPods all day and drive around in their cars with the boom boxes hammering away are storing up years of misery for themselves somewhere down the line. I assure you that there's nothing even remotely cool about tinnitus.