The Joy Of Window Shopping

Track of the day - I am a pig & you are a cow - Prince Edward Island.



Window shopping in London is far more interesting than window shopping in Bogsville.
This joyful little window was part of a display at Joy in Paternoster Row.
If they'd like a couple of pictures of their 'live mannequin displays' I'm sure I could oblige.

Dressed To Kill

Track of the day - Get Away - Georgie Fame.



Gunshots echoed. I assumed that the local farmer was shooting rabbits.
I was wrong.
The chauffeur driven Bentley set, dressed to kill in all their country finery, were shooting pheasants driven out of the woods by flag waving peasants.
I suspect they would have been just as happy shooting the peasants.

Final opportunity to purchase your own little piece of Prince Edward Island.

Old Cobblers

Track of the day - Beach - Jewelsband



Increasingly troubled by back pain, his mobility started to suffer so he sought medical help.
After endless visits to sympathetic but singularly unhelpful medical specialists, he stumbled upon one who offered a permanent solution.
"The good news is that I can cure your backache. The bad news is that it will require castration.
You have a very rare condition which has caused your testicles to press up against the base of your spine. The pressure is undoubtedly what is causing your back pain.
The only way to relieve the pressure is castration."
He was shocked but eventually signed up for the procedure. Even the loss of his old cobblers would be worthwhile if it meant freedom from pain.

He left the hospital with a spring in his step. Yes he definitely felt like a different person.
It was time to make a new beginning, to live a new life.
Passing a tailoring shop, the thought came to him,
"That's what I need for the new me, a new suit!"
In no time at all he was inside the shop.
"I'd like a new suit please."
The salesman nodded and eyed him briefly,
"Let's see, how about size 42 short?"
"That's right, how did you know?"
"Years of experience sir and it is my job sir."
The suit fitted perfectly. As he admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked,
"How about a new shirt sir?"

"Excellent idea. What size do you suggest?"
"Let's see, 34 sleeve, 16 collar."
He was amazed, "Spot on, how do you do that?"
"It's my job sir."
The shirt fitted perfectly. As he was buttoning the collar, the salesman said, "How about a new pair of shoes to go with the suit?"
By now he was on a roll, "Why not?"
"Let's see, 9½ wide."
"Right again. You have an amazing skill there."
"It's nothing sir, just my job. New underwear sir? It would complete the transformation."
He thought for a second, "Might as well."
The salesman stepped back, eyed his waist and said, "May I suggest size 36?"
This time he took great delight in pointing out that the salesman had got it wrong.
"No. Got you this time. I've worn size 34 since I was 18 years old."
The salesman shook his head,
"You can't wear size 34 sir. They would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a backache."

Have you purchased your own little piece of Prince Edward Island yet?

A Pain In The Ass

Track of the day - I Can See Clearly Now - Jewelsband.



For the last two weeks my back has been a pain in the ass, left hip and left calf. As a result I've been stuck in a chair in the house while the rest of the world went merrily about its business except for the people on a bus that's been stuck in the road since 7.30 this morning.
The postal strike came and went, the Queen attended the dedication of a memorial to the 16,000 UK service personnel who have died on service since the end of World War II, England won a one day cricket series in Sri Lanka, the Australian team demolished India in a one day series in India, England surprisingly reached the final of the Rugby World Cup while its obscenely overpaid bladder welliers unsurprisingly lost 2-1 to Russia in a soccer match played on an imitation grass pitch in Moscow.
Gordon Brown decided not to hold an election, the Liberal Democrats lost their ageing leader, the BBC formulated plans to sack people in an attempt to save a couple of billion pounds while continuing to honour Jonathan Woss's six million pound contract and the Metropolitan Police were criticised for photoshopping a photograph to prove how easy it is to shoot the wrong guy seven times in the head on the London underground.

Meanwhile my 'pain in the ass' back pain, went totally unreported - until now.

There's still time to purchase your own little piece of Prince Edward Island.

Hanging Out In Bogsville

Track of the day - Words - Jewelsband.



Word of our squirrel proof bird feeder is spreading among the local squirrel population.
It is rapidly becoming the place for hanging out in Bogsville.
Does the Guinness Book of Records have an entry for 'squirrels in a squirrel proof bird feeder'?

You can now hang out in your own little piece of Prince Edward Island.

Squirrel Proof Bird Feeder

Track of the day - I Can See Clearly - Jewelsband.



It seems that our squirrel proof bird feeder is no longer squirrel proof.

Have you purchased your own little piece of Prince Edward Island yet?

I Might Have Gone Blind

Track of the day - I Can See Clearly - Jewelsband.



I turned up for my three times cancelled appointment at the local specialist eye hospital. My appointment was for 9.00 am. I was eventually called at 9.40 am. by a doctor who looked barely old enough to have completed his A Levels.
He sat and read through my hospital notes.
"You don't have glaucoma. You are, in fact, suffering from ocular hypertension and we have prescribed drops to reduce and control the intraocular pressures."
So far so good. At least it proved that he could read and that he probably had the right set of notes in front of him.
Eventually he put the anaesthetic drops in my eyes, peered at the back of my eyes, measured the pressures and declared me fit as a fiddle.
"I'm very pleased with your progress. Your pressures are down and your field test results were normal. How do you feel about it?"
I launched into a long attack on a system that had failed to honour three appointments that it had arranged, thus increasing my test period from six months to twelve months in which time I might have gone blind.
He was apologetic and said that the appointment system had now been changed.
"We now send you a letter much closer to the time of your test so that we know that staff are available to conduct your examination.
I've put you down for a retest by a nurse in nine months time."

So there you have it. The new improved system means that the cancellations will start after nine months instead of six months and the test will be conducted by a nurse rather than a doctor.
Reassuring isn't it.

Have you purchased your own little piece of Prince Edward Island yet?