Deep-Fried Mars

Saturday.

Advent Calendar.

When you hear that your flight has been delayed you assume that the delay has been caused by adverse weather conditions. You don't expect to be told during the flight that the problem was technical and involved replacing an engine. Not when the flight has been delayed by just one hour. Can you really replace an engine on a plane in one hour?

Passengers who complained about the delay should have been down on their knees giving thanks for being delivered to their destination in one piece.

Remind me to keep out of Scotland where health minister Andy Kerr yesterday hailed his Bill to ban smoking in public as "the most important new law in a generation". His Bill will hand council chiefs "the power to break down pub doors if they think people are puffing inside".

Under the new laws, smokers will face fines of up to £1000 if they light up in public. Owners of public buildings who allow smoking will pay a penalty of up to £2500 for each offence.

Council officials will be able to search any public building, using force to gain entry if necessary, and it will be an offence not to give your name and address when asked.

All this in a country where the deep-fried Mars bar has achieved legendary status. According to a report in timesonline.co.uk One in five fish and chip shops admitted to David Morrison, an NHS Consultant in Public Health Medicine, and Dr Mark Petticrew of the Medical Research Council that they sell the monstrocities. A single portion contains over 400 calories, more if swilled down with a bottle of Irn Bru.

Chip shops also reported they have been asked to deep-fry Snickers, Toffee Crisps and Creme Eggs.

Dr Petticrew found one consolation. "Encouragingly we did find some evidence of the penetration of the Mediterranean diet into Scotland - albeit in the form of deep-fried pizza."

Scotland has among the highest incidence of heart disease, cancer and strokes, the worst teeth and the lowest life expectancy in the developed world.

No wonder they smoke!