Overflow Car Park

Track of the day - Can't Stand The Rain - Graham Central Station.



This morning I drove onto the car park of the Wolseley Arms public house at Wolseley Bridge just outside Rugeley in Staffordshire but found that the River Trent had got there first.

Stethoscope Bugs

Track of the day - St James Infirmary - Jack Teagarden.

Last night I watched Blackpool Medics - 10 Days In May, a BBC series about emergency treatment in Blackpool's Victoria Hospital.
A one year old boy was admitted with a skin rash. The child was kept in for observation, tested for possible meningitis and was subsequently released.
Before his release he was shown being examined by a consultant paediatrician using a stethoscope that appeared to have gobs of congealed something or other on it.
What is the point in doctors or nurses scrubbing up and changing gloves between patients if they then use the same stethoscope that they used on previous patients?

How many bugs are there on your doctor's stethoscope?

White Van Prat

Track of the day - Let There Be Love - Nat King Cole.



What is it with guys in white vans?
There's a lake of water covering the road.
I can see it. That's why I'm standing at the side of the road with my camera.
Car drivers can see it and they slow down to go through it.
White van prat sees it and jams his bloody foot down on the accelerator.
I was using a telephoto lens otherwise I would have been soaked and his registration plate would now be on full view.

Glastonbury Boots

Clip of the day - Temptation Greets You etc - Arctic Monkeys.



The torrential rains that poured down on Bogsville moved on to Glastonbury where thousands of people pay for the privilege of wandering around in a swamp.

The Tattooed Arm

Track of the day - Love Song Number 3 - Bagshaw.

This tattooed arm got off the bus yesterday as I wandered along to purchase a pack of cigarettes. I felt sorry for it. Not to worry, I'm not really an arm man anyway.

In the hope of finding a reliable, company with workmen who turn up when they say they will and are skilled enough to diagnose and fix problems, disgruntled wife phoned another roofing company to get a quotation.
End result - I spent another fruitless Monday protected from the rain by the thickness of a margarine tub lid.
Last night while leafing through the home services section of the Bogsville Bugle I stumbled upon an advert for a fencing company with the same name and telephone number as our crap roofing company.
I made a mental note not to use them for fencing repairs. If these guys represent the very best of modern entrepreneurial, multi-tasking Britain, I'm emigrating. They couldn't organise a piss-up in a brewery!.

No sooner had I typed the magic word 'brewery' than a white van turned up outside and out climbed fat roof guy and thin roof guy.
"We've come to fix the valley tile. Do you still want it done?" asked thin roof guy.
"Might be an idea," I said, "the margarine lid won't last for ever."
Eventually fat roof guy announced that the roof was fixed and that Boss roofman had said he'd have to charge for this job because it wasn't the same as the original job.
"Could have fooled me!" I said and refused to pay.

Disgruntled wife's roofing contact still hasn't materialised so if there's a competent, reliable roofer out there, please get in touch.

Flashing His Gnashers

Track of the day - Love Song Number 3 - Bagshaw.

The dog wandered into the room and sat down in the doorway grinning.
He was definitely grinning, though 'flashing his gnashers' might be a better description.
"What's he grinning at?" asked Bob.
"I don't know but he lookth different thomehow. Do you think he'th in pain?" said Harry, Bob's father in law.
The old man got up from his chair in front of the television and left the room. They heard him banging about upstairs.
The dog continued to grin at them from the doorway.
A few minutes later the old man came back down the stairs.
"Bloody dog," he muttered as he dragged the grinning hound behind him out of the room and into the kitchen.
"Let go! Give them to me will you?" he shouted.
The dog yelped once and water could be heard splashing into the sink.
The older man resumed his position in the chair in front of the television as if nothing had happened. The dog crept into the room and lay down quietly at his feet.
He was no longer grinning.
Harry, it seems, had been soaking his false teeth in a glass at the side of the bed. The dog had knocked over the glass, picked up the false teeth and brought them downstairs.
"I had a hell of a job getting them back off him," Harry later admitted. "Wish they bloody fitted me that well."

A Great Weight Lifted

Track of the day - Storm Over Bogsville - Thunderclap Bogs.



Roof man turned up at 3:00pm yesterday and suggested I stuck a bucket under the leak, then he left with the memorable words, "I'll be back tomorrow. Shouldn't take more than five minutes," echoing in his ample wake.
In desperation I climbed back up into the roof space and stuck a thin piece of margarine tub lid between the cracked valley tile and the healthy one above it, in the hope that it would temporarily plug the gap.

When I looked out of the bedroom window this morning there was a lake covering the back yard and most of the lawn.
I pushed open the door to the front bedroom expecting to find a disaster area but the wall was drier than it had been when we went to bed.
Right now the dehumidifier is humming and a great weight has been lifted from my shoulders.

Roof man came back this afternoon during a violent thunderstorm. Rain was lashing down and lightning lit up the sky. He decided against doing anything to the roof but at the moment I really couldn't care less because I've stopped the rain coming in and that is definitely a lot more than the roofing company can claim to have done.

Bollocks To That

Track of the day - Brother Can You Spare A Dime? - Bing Crosby.

The bedroom is painted. As of yesterday there's a new carpet in there too. It is the room under the leaking roof, the roof that has been fixed twice in the last six weeks.

During the night it began to rain. Right now it is tipping it down and the rain is coming in again, right where the roofing guys were working.
It is pouring in through two cracked valley tiles. Cracked tiles? I seem to remember roofman telling me,
"There's nothing wrong with the tiles. No cracked ones there. It's probably the best roof I've worked on."
Boss roofman says a couple of the lads will be round within the next hour.
I hope so because water is running down the plaster towards the new carpet.

Adding insult to injury

A letter from the local NHS hospital just dropped through the letterbox.

Change of Opthalmology Clinic Appointment.

Unfortunately it has been necessary to change your appointment on Monday 18th June 2007 at 11:40am.
Your new appointment is now:
On Monday 6th August 2007at 11:00am.
We apologise etc...

They cancelled the March appointment, they have now cancelled the June appointment. They do it every year.
Government guidelines say that two cancellations are acceptable, three are not, so that's the system the hospital has adopted. Cancel two, honour the third and I'm supposed to arrange my life to suit them.
Well bollocks to that. And bollocks to the roofing guys who don't seem able to keep an appointment either.
In fact bollocks to just about everything.

The Odd One Out

Track of the day - Brother Can You Spare A Dime? - Bing Crosby.



This is part of the flyer that versatile chainsaw man pushed through the door last Friday.
His chainsaw buzzed away like a dentist's drill from about 10:00 in the morning until 5:30 in the afternoon. Almost had me screaming.
I notice he chose to put an apostrophe in the word patios. It was probably to annoy me.

I used to drink with a guy who taught history. He came in the bar one night and told us that he'd just finished putting together his very first exam paper. He seemed to think that being trusted to create an exam paper for eleven year olds proved that he was well on the way to climbing to the top of the education tree.
He asked us if we would like to see his exam paper and pulled it out of his back pocket anyway, without waiting for an answer. Typical teacher.
The first question didn't make much sense but read as follows,
1. Choose the odd one out from the following:
a) Greek's
b) Romans
c) Saxon's
d) Norman's.
"That's easy," one of the guys said, "it's got to be Romans. It's the only one without an apostrophe."
I remember that Romans was the wrong answer but at least he he never brought another of his test papers along to the bar. I don't know whether he ever managed to climb to the top of the education tree.
Perhaps he changed directions mid career and started pruning trees, erecting cotswold stone fences and cleaning patio's.
Cotswold stone fences? Sounds like it could well be the same guy.

Kanaroo Stk Or Shark?

Track of the day - Raining In My Heart - Buddy Holly.

The wet wall saga still lacks a final chapter.
That bloody bedroom wall squats toadlike on my life and despite my best attempts I'm unable to use my wit "as a pitchfork and drive the brute off".

The advert in Yellow Pages said the Bogsville Roofing Company offer a 24 hour service. With a team of 30 experts on call 24 hrs a day, it's reasonable to assume that one of them would be able to fix a problem with a small pitched roof.
Wrong.
After last week's visit by boss roofer no one came back to even look at, let alone fix the sodding roof.
I have now been stuck in the house for days waiting for workmen who fail to turn up.
Last Thursday we were told,
"We did come out yesterday but we went to the wrong road.
I didn't realise the guys had taken a full week's holiday.
They'll be round at 8:15am on Monday."
Monday came and went. I phoned boss man's mobile phone number,
"No one turned up. Can you tell me when someone will be here to fix the roof?"
"They'll definitely be round on Tuesday morning between 8:15 and 8:30am. They didn't get back off holiday until late on Sunday. Sorry about that. They'll be round first thing tomorrow."
Tuesday came and went and boss man's mobile phone seemed to be permanently switched off. The girl in the office said she'd find out what was going on and ring back.
"Hello, is that Mr Bogs? By the time the boss got in this morning the guys had already laddered up the van and left to do a job in Shropshire. They'll definitely be round early on Wednesday morning. Sorry about the delay."
I'd like to believe that they'll turn up but something deep down tells me that there'll be more excuses.

No sooner had I typed this on Wednesday morning than the roof men arrived. It was 8:00am. This time they brought their most experienced roofing expert with them.
End result another piece of lead inserted behind the tiles and a repeat of the "There's nothing wrong with your roof. The tiles are in excellent condition. Really we need to see it when the rain's coming through," stuff.
Hell we've been trying to get them to come back for the best part of two weeks now. Two weeks ago it was raining and water was running down the plaster. They could have seen it then.
The wall has just dried out enough to sand it down and repaint it. Someone's coming to fit a new carpet next week and the last thing we want is for the rain to come back in, as it most surely will, and ruin everything.
Smirking weatherman has been replaced by wheezy weather woman who smiles apologetically and sounds like she has a severe chest infection. Maybe she's been sanding damp plaster.

The sun is shining, there's cricket to listen to at 11:00am, another two or three coats of paint should cover the water stained wall, I'm only three skirting boards and a door away from decoration completion and there's Kanaroo Stk or Shark? on offer at the local butcher's shop.

Who could ask for anything more?

Sunshine On My Figleaf

Track of the day - Sunshine - Bagshaw.

Smirking weather man got it wrong. The sun has shone on my figleaf all day. If the roof men had turned up I would be happy but they didn't so I'm not.
Mrs B has gone off to celebrate someone's sixtieth birthday at a Golf Club out in the country.
I drove her out there, mainly to see how people with loads of money manage without visiting the Hole in the Ground bar.
They seem to manage very well except that they need massive security gates in the carpark. I had real problems getting in and once I was in, they found it hard to believe that I was driving straight out again. Seemed to suspect that I was up to no good. It's probably just as well that I wasn't invited.

I know my place! I may saunter along to the Hole in the Ground and cower in the fireplace later on. It should be lively tonight because England are playing Brazil and the bar will be full of drunk football hooligans. I'll wait until half an hour after the final whistle is blown before I set off. That should give them time to get steamed up about the game.
I really should know better but I have long had a perverse desire to watch so called adult members of society exercising their democratic right to make total assholes of themselves.

That blue sky and sunshine really was very welcome today. I hope it lasts until Monday when they are supposed to be coming back to fix the roof.